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Ever since I gave birth to my first daughter I’ve felt self conscious about my body. I ended up needing to have a c-section and I still haven’t regained all feeling on my lower abdomen. My body went through a major ordeal and because of that I have a beautiful, healthy baby girl.
“Why do you do that?”
My husband asks me why I turn away from him when I change clothes. As if it wasn’t obvious. It’s obvious to me. There’s a chunk of flesh hanging off of me that I have no control over. It’s a nuisance. It’s ugly. Because of it- I’m ugly. Of course I want to turn away.
My husband is the kind of man who won’t say anything he doesn’t mean. He also doesn’t see the point in giving compliments.
His silence regarding my appearance speaks volumes in my mind. I have done everything short of begging to be told he finds me attractive. We’re still intimate, but he gets frustrated that I rarely initiate. My lack of confidence is getting in my way.
Tonight when we went to bed, my husband held me in his arms for a long time. I thought it was finally happening. He’s going to tell me... he’s going to say it...
“There’s nothing wrong with you.”
I nodded my head and said goodnight.
Nothing wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong with a potato either
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It’s so hard to be comfortable with yourself after going through a huge transformation. Learn to accept yourself as you are. You carried a sweet blessing. Your amazing body did that. Love your body. Love your skin. This is who you are now, and it is beautiful. Motherhood isn’t for the weak.
ReplyLove yourself for who you are. Im sure your husband does. Youre still the same person regardless of skin.
ReplyFirst, congratulations on being a mother!
Being a mom is a full time job in itself! I hope you can find time to to simply sleep well and find time for yourself! I commend you sooooo much because being a mom can be so physically and emotionally demanding and draining!
Second, I used to be a credentialed public schoolteacher/specialist who taught learners have all sorts of challenging psychological and physiological issues. I worked a lot with pregnant and young mother/father learners as well, young folks struggling with issues from conception to childbirth to teaching you-name-it with infants and young toddlers.
I think back now how many women I taught who discovered they were pregnant went through the shock of watching their bodies change shape, transform, and prepare for motherhood. Pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum recovery (as it should be expected) can be such a highly emotional and even physically demanding and trying time. One would assume many mothers think having babies and afterwards it's like tv., perfect everything. Most of us have probably seen the magazines with photos of some supermodel or famous celebrity who delivers a baby; then; six weeks later she's posed in a bathing suit on a beach sipping a rum & cola--like she never had a baby!
I just roll my eyes when I see that totally fake pile of total crap! I'm medically trained in this stuff. I can tell you human bodies--particularly women who have babies--are not rubber bands. They don't snap back in two weeks--and aren't supposed to! Don't ever think you are doing something wrong, or your body isn't beautiful, or you have something wrong with you. You totally love your body exactly as you have it because to me it's a beautiful sign, an indication you are healthy, normal, and exactly as nature designed things to be. Don't ever apologize for thinking it's supposed to be a different. If one looks at many Renaissance paintings artists almost always painted and portrayed women as postpartum.
Why?
Because your appearance right now was the highest sign of beauty and femininity, a women of birth who could not only love a husband but also a baby too! You are right now in a time of incredible love and enchantment! Yes, anyone who has a baby knows it's a lot of work. I commend you so much because you have created a precious darling that I hope will be with your hubby a love that means more to you with both of them than anything in the world!
Don't you ever feel ashamed of your beauty! I used to tell young moms to never feel ashamed of their achievements! Your body is you. Don't you ever think you are not lovely as you are. Listen to the Ed Sheehan song "Perfect" with the lyrics on YouTube. It tells you!
As I counsel couples the many comments you share are very universal in new parents. It's very common dad and mom do this little love dance of baby, mommy, and daddy all having needs and desires, wants and wishes.
If there's anything I can encourage you is to express and show your love and admiration to your baby and husband. I know it's a lot because now it may feel like two both want you st once, and the demands of a crying baby typically naturally win out, making dad feel unsure how to act, feel, think, and respond.
My encouragement is to tell hubby exactly how you are feeling! Let him know! Let him know your worries, fears, and concerns. Tell him what you want him to do and say! Tell him! You are a couple! He loves you! He adores you! He can't know what to expect until you tell him! Let him share his fears, worries, and concerns too! Listen and learn from the love you have for one another! Treasure this magical time! It passes so quickly.
I hope you open your heart. You have to be gentle on yourself. I admire you so much for sharing such deeply personal challenges and feelings that occur very often after baby arrives. Give yourself time to enjoy. If later you are still feeling anxiety and concerns, talk with your physician about options. Usually light exercise, walks with dad and baby, plenty of loving massages (which is fantastic!), making love at your comfort (to strengthen and encourage blood flows), kegels if desired, or other recommendations from your OB/Gyn can help!
Congrats mom! You have every right to be proud!
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