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How to deal with Will We Be Together Forever (or even just tomorrow)
5 years ago · 0 · Love advice , +3
1014
I dont want to be a good for right now kind of person. The moment there’s a growing inkling of like, wow i like how this is going, but it could never get to ____. Then I need to disentangle. That rejection of foreverness hurts. It hurts me to know I can be someones good time for now and not for good. In the past I have like any little girl in love fantasized about the forever plan. And though now, beyond the breakup, hindsight shows me all the reasons he was right to end it. All the reasons Ive been spared a mediocre forever. I remember the pain of knowing someone was done with me. Someone though claiming they loved me and it hurt them to end things, had the clear mind to recognize something had an expiration. The pain i went through haunts every joke about forever with anyone new. Because those jokes are echos of laughs from the past. Shared looks and sweet promises. The past has taught me all good things come to an end. And i have tried to vow to protect my heart when the pattern rears its ugly head again. I will not be blinded by ignorance and bliss. Or if in fact it impales me to know someone has recognized an expiration prior to me, I only hope they tell me quickly, they tell me gently. It hurts to know that someone knew and was too much of a coward or enjoying the status quo to bring me into the light as well. Now when we joke of tomorrow i am guarded. Why make promises like I once did. I tiptoe lightly to try to catch the doubt in your voice, study the pauses in conversation. Hoping for a sign I can support myself with - whichever way it leans. I just want to be included, i dont want to be blindsided. Rejection of foreverness hurts. So I can’t even think about forever, bc the little girl’s heart in me swells, and the young women in me wails and wags her finger urging me to remember.
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