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I broke down earlier today...
One of my good friends told me that my ex boyfriend had stolen money from her a few months back. Just like he had done to me a few weeks ago...
The money doesn't matter. It never has.
What matters is that this is someone that I constantly laid my head next to...
Someone that I trusted with every bone in my body...
Someone that I introduced to my family and had in the homes of my mother, grandmother, and sister....
Someone I allowed to manipulate me into spending less and less time with my friends...
Someone that I believed in...
The questions I keep asking myself are why in the hell am I so trusting? Why do I let this idea of love engross my mind, body, and soul without question? How could I not see who he was before? How could I let someone take over so much of me?
How could he do this to me?
Will I ever trust again?
I know that I will make it through this, for sure. It's just scary that you really never know someone... even if you believe you do. People can so easily choose what they want to show and what they want to hide...
So to the guy that I thought was my forever:
Thank you for revealing your true self to me. I am so grateful because I would be miserable, had I stayed. I'm not sorry that we broke up. I am not sorry that your world is falling apart. I am sorry, however, for the next person who falls into your lies. I pray that she makes out well and you end up back where you are now: alone. You need help. I pray that you get it so that no one else has to feel the way that I feel at this very moment.
Though it may take me a while to heal, I can already begin to understand what it truly means and feels like to love myself.
Some steps in life need to be taken alone and I think that if I travel far enough I will definitely find myself again.
<3
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I love this, the level of self awareness. You are strong! Go girl, keep fighting ur doing great!
ReplyYour strength and courage is inspiring!
Reply