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Yo what's up novni i'm back (Dave(Luroku89). So I didn't get the chance to O'd like I planned. One of my friends, I don't know who. decided to call the cops and I was abruptly shifted off to a mental hospital. i'm back now and nothing has changed. i'm on meds and it really isn't helping. my head is still all fucked up. I still wanna die and I still feel like all of this bull shit is useless. I don't know what's wrong with me but I know that it can't be fixed. I try to be strong. put on a brave face but I, I really don't know how much of this I can really take. I have mini panic attacks everyday. I'm currently fighting a headache right now. I don't know why i'm so fucked up but the bottom line is that i'm fucked up. I deserve to die alone and just be buried in an unmarked grave. it's what I want ya know. I don't want a headstone or some elaborate saying carved on it, I don't even wanna be buried beside my family, I want a nice isolated corner in the graveyard where I can be gone and forgotten. Everybody was always right to bully me back in school, everyone was right to forget me back in high school. I deserve to be alone in life and death. I just want all of this to be over now. that's when i'll finally be happy. when all of it is over. when i'm dead
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first off i have no idea what im talking about but here we go.
everyone has a purpose in life and i assure you that youll find yours eventually. sometimes the best medication is to go out in public or go on a drive. if you cant drive then just simply go outside for a few minutes. look at the sky, and just breathe. breathe. i'm going to remember you. im going to i swear on it. tomorrow when i'm practicing piano, im gonna remember you. this summer when im bored, ill remember you. okay? sometimes isolation is good. sometimes you just need to get away. but not the way you are implying. i dont believe you deserve to die alone or die at all. you matter to me and im sure you matter to a lot of other people in the world and beyond. you might not even notice it. good luck my friend. <3 not sure if you are religious but my prayers are with you.
ReplyI’m glad that your friend was there. I understand the temptation in thinking that death is the answer. That was a message from fate and god that you’re not supposed to die and that this is going to be a developmental learning process for you. I’ve been there too. Even got sent to therapy for years because it was so bad. They key is finding the ability to relax into your life and the aspects that are external vs internal locus of control. You should look up some articles relating to those words +depression. I’m here if you need to talk more. You’re not alone and I’ve been there so I’m not judging you.
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