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I don’t really know where to start.
I could just shorten the story for you guys to understand.
Basically, I think it was 2 years ago, I feel in love.
It wasn’t even a minute until I figured that out.
Just seeing the girl I liked made me feel red and become shy, even thouugh I’m not really that shy (if yo get to know me).
Her name was marlyn.
Beautiful brown eyes, black hair, and a very kind person.
I met her at church.
Yes, church, but we didn’t really cared about the whole “Jesus is god” thing.
We were kids, so all we ever did care about was having fun.
I began to talk to her ever since she first came to the church.
She seemed ok at first, not knowing what she really did when nobody was around.
She loved music, mostly p!atd( Panic at the disco), singing, playing, telling stories, and meeting new people.
I also liked those at that time, which made our relationship better than before.
Months go by, and we practically are very close.
It was a Friday.
All of us church kids thought it was a good idea to play hide and seek in a very big room in the dark. The rules were simple.
Go on your knees and search for people in that room.
If you get caught you leave the room until everyone’s been caught.
At this time, I felt something weird about my feelings towards her.
The desire to kiss her.
So that’s what I did.
Mid-way into this game, I lured her to a corner.
We hid until I made myself choose to kiss her or miss the chance of a lifetime.
Then I grabbed her face and kissed her.
She stayed there, also enjoying my decision.
Afterwards, she pulled back telling me what I just did.
I responded.
I just did what I wanted to do.
IT was her first ever kiss.
The following week, we had cleared a room that would now be know as my chill corner.
I spent most my time there listening to music, kissing her, talking to her, chilling with some of the other church kids, and sleeping.
It wasn’t until I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend.
Without having a second thought, she jumped into my arms, saying yes.
We kissed again.
Longer this time.
I’ve felt things grow since afterwards I’ve began to almost lose feelings for her.
I didn’t felt the way I did when I was young.
Then we began to call each other.
The call would begin around 8 pm and end at 2 or 3 am.
Just listening to how are days went and how we cared for each other.
This, somehow, made me love her even more than I had imagined.
I’ve felt as if this relationship might last forever.
What a silly thought, huh?
I later began to notice that she has been cutting herself, kissing other people, and doing dirty acts.
This somehow made me feel nothing at all.
I just cared for her.
I’ve havent felt this way for a girl since my girlfriend 4 years back.
I’ll tell you that story later.
Going back, she always seemed sad.
When I realized she had cut marks, I told her I also did.
I did have some, but I’ve stopped ever since I met her.
She hated herself, hated living, hated everyone( besides me), and hated the world.
Seeing her like this made me wonder if what happened 4 years ago could happen again.
Luckily, I actually did something.
I would never make her feel depressed again.
I swore that to myself.
Months go by, and she’s beginning to like other guys.
(Before the story, I have felt a lot of pain, so this kind of thing really doesn’t hurt me).
I tried to think of ways to call her attention towards me.
Giving her hickies, hugging here more, tell her more sweet things.
This only slowed the inevitable.
She later enjoyed kissing those guys and seemed to become bored of me.
I just wanted to make her happy.
Then today, April 12, 2019, she was with somebody else.
It tore my heart.
Knowing I wasn’t enough for her.
I’ve given myself cuts again, and hated who I am.
I guess I have a thing for being a weak kid.
Not tall, not all muscle or that bad looking, nor smart.
I’m just a basic kid.
With basic knowledge of how the world works.
I began to wonder how love works.
It really is a weird thing, isn’t it?
Love and like.
How both of them are completely different things.
Like is when you want to be with them and show them affection.
Love is when you never want to let that person go, and love them until the day you die.
Sadly, you make yourself think it won’t end.
It will.
The world isn’t happiness and rainbows, it full of unfairness and lonleyness.
Love
Is a strange thing.
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