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Two faced snakes in the grass have been toying with my life and ruining my life more. Who knows for what reason. I don't even know what the hell is going on anymore and what is what anymore but being tormented by it all. Why I am being harassed, brought down and targeted by others like this? I don't know what the heck I did wrong to even deserve this for the past 3 years and still going on. I'm not perfect but what the hell!! Majority of people I don't even fucking know and have some problem with me.
I noticed a lot of it looks. To be psychological manipulation against me and it's taking a toll on me.
I've already suffered from my past, faced with struggles in my life and then I'm stuck with even more turmoil caused by others. I can't take it anymore at this point and I don't have a freaking clue on what to do against. I tried everything without prevail, it's completely hopeless at what I can do and prove all of this.
It's making me think that I'm crazy, how it's all in my head and in the meantime abusing me in ways that are done behind my back. Yet, I've noticed but needed to be sure before I start accusing. I still feel doubtful and uncertainty of the real answer. It's throwing me off completely and these cowards just hide behind something which is the worst. Everytime I bring up that there's something wrong, something is odd and doesn't add up with what someone/groups of people are doing, acting towards me, nobody listens to me and digs deeper into it.
I can't show something that people don't see for themselves.
I'm at a lost at what the interior motives are here, by others but by far they seem to be far from good and with pure intent. I am angry,miserable and filled with hate, which I never imagined myself to have a change of heart. I'm pushed to my damn limit where I'm sick of peoples lies, mental, verbal and emotional abuse which is really isn't justified. It's dehumanizing when I'm trying my hardest to stay strong,keep my composure and improve in a good way.
It's helpless. I don't even get a chance to heal, feel better and get myself together without the constant negativity. When is it ever going to stop? Until I end my life? So many times I have thought of this but couldn't bring myself to do it.
It seems like these malicious people or whoever they fucking are is aiming for this and it's ruining my life. Making me out to be a monster by turning shit around against me. Try to turn me into something who I'm not and never was in the first place!
I feel completely defeated, alone and bitter about everything in my life because I feel like nobody can help me in this. I noticed that I've became really paranoid, distrustful and hateful to the extent where I lash out. I can no longer keep my composure and it's so wrong.
All I have is this built up frustration because there's no way out.
I'm going crazy here and nobody takes noticed in what it's all doing to me but blame me for it all. It's destroying my relationships with others and reputation.
What is there left to be grateful and happy about if I'm having it all taken away from me. I already don't have much, never asked for much and these people are having a grant time just stripping me away from happiness. To see me dry up, wither away because they just can and shut me down. These fucking snakes in the grass are hidding behind majority of the issues at hand and I'm here trying to get away from it.
I feel stuck. All that I feel which can do is write to be heard and hope to relief myself, but this isn't showing to be enough anymore. They won't let me be in peace! It feels beyond unfair, when I don't go out of my way to hurt people on purpose and keep to myself.
I can't take it anymore!!!!!!
Fuck!
_-
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ReplyDehumanizing is a great word for it. Disrespecting others feelings. I think recognizing what they are being is half the battle. Disrespectful (trolls) people are nothing to admire. I dont care how many there are. You know in your heart that this way of being isnt "right". By any means. So in the best light, know that you have more heart, self respect & control than they do. Holding true to being a better person than that. You have that going for you.
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