What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Dear You,
Seeing You cry over her makes me angry. She makes me angry. The way she treats You makes me angry. The way You love her also makes me really angry. The way You don’t love Yourself, again, makes me angry. Because there is so much to love.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t love You. Or at least I don’t think I do. But I do feel a way towards You that I don’t think I’ve really felt towards anyone. Especially other girls.
I honestly think it builds every day. And man, every time I see You cry I ache for You. I’ve never wanted to hug someone more than You in those moments. But You’re crying for her, and I can’t change that.
And while I wish I could push these feelings I have for You aside, there’s just so many little things You do and say that make them surge through my soul like a flame travelling up gasoline.
Like when You say You can’t sing. I hate it when You say You can’t sing, because You can and honestly, I wish You would more often.
Like when You drive 105 miles per hour on the interstate because, You “really just want to drive fast”. I don’t have the heart to tell You that the one thing that makes You feel most alive is also the thing that makes me feel closest to death.
When You seem angry or hurt, I just want to fix it all. But I can’t. But I would.
And when I see You really crack up at something, I mean REALLY laugh, I feel physically happy too.
I hate that I understand exactly how You feel when it comes to her. How You told her You’re willing to listen to her talk about him. And I told You how both know that it’ll eventually bother you to listen it. Funny how similar it is to me, right? To listen to You talk about her talking about him and damn, it’s going to eat me alive.
I never meant to make You feel guilty. As if You weren’t allowed to talk to me about it. I want to hear You talk to me about it. I need to be reminded that You love her and that You’ll never feel that for me. Please, don’t stop talking.
I often think You would rather me around anyone rather than me. And maybe that’s true. But I would rather be around You than most anyone. Even if You exhaust me sometimes.
But that exhaustion is my fault. You don’t have anything to do with the exhaustion. I’m exhausted because I put every ounce of my energy into making sure You feel worthy. Maybe I should stop.
Did I mention how I hate when You say You can’t sing? Please sing to me. Sing all of Your favorite songs. Sing me to sleep.
I hope one day I’m able to feel this way towards someone else. Because it’ll never happen with You. And I guess I’ll have to be okay with that.
I know I have to just be okay.
And to know that there’s even a slight chance I’ve made You angry makes me feel like the worst person on earth. How can I fix this? Are You even mad? I’m sure You are.
There’s a part of me that says I need to separate myself from You, but the other part tells me I want to be around You every second of every day.
I like when I’m around You and things feel better—normal, if You will. It makes me feel not as bad, and not as lonely.
And then last night comes around, and I’ve never felt closer to You. I wanted to drive off a cliff and was in my car prepared to do so. But as soon as I started my car, You texted me. You wanted to die too. And I need You alive.
I pleaded through text for You to listen to me. To hear what I had to say. But You kept telling me how You can’t do it. You can, You will, and You are. And You wouldn’t listen. So I turned off my car and came up to see You.
I showed You a photo of Your nephew, and honestly I don’t know how I managed to do so while drunk off my ass. I told You, he needs You. And if nothing else, he is why You should stay alive.
Then You broke. You broke so hard and so deeply that I felt it in my own bones. I curled up beside You, grabbed You, I stroked Your hair and told You that You were safe, and that it’s all okay. It’s all going to be okay. You broke harder. I held tighter. You put Your arm over me and gripped on and said “Don’t leave me, I need you here”. I reassured You, I wasn’t going anywhere. I will never go anywhere.
We haven’t talked about it in depth since. You never said thank you or even addressed if I was helpful. I feel invalidated. But here I am, still wishing that You would curl up next to me and stroke my hair and tell me that everything will be okay. And kiss my head. And hold me tighter.
How am I feeling these things for You? This is not what was supposed to happen. You’re still in love with her, and I’m still wishing You would just move a little bit closer. You slept beside me last night, and I hope You’ll sleep beside me again soon. And I hope next time You’ll move closer.
And please sing Your favorite songs to me.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Who am I
I don't think I have a personality. I'm different around every person, I act like them so they trust me. It makes it easier to get what I want. I don't actually...
-
Feelings
Have you ever felt something, but you aren't sure what you're feeling? Have you ever written letters you won't ever send? Have you ever sat on a bathroom floor...