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The first step
1 year ago · · Depression,
It all started with a text message. And you've probably seen one of these before. It goes like this "are you ok?" . "I'm fine" and it stops there. Ask yourself are you really okay?
Some of us have tried to be our own personal naturopaths, yoga, meditation, counselling, supplements, diets, sleep schedules, exercise... And for some of us the almost cliche phrase of "just breathe " dosent seem to cut the line.
I would hate to talk about myself because like a lot of us, when we feel down we feel selfish about expressing our emotions, raw, rogue, ugly emotions. But really, our emotions aren't that ugly, and even when I believed that no one would listen because I was a burdensome, pessimistic, shameful ball of sadness I was wrong. I know many of you out there feel so alone, I'm going through this alone I have no one. But there are 7 billion people in this world and I'm sure that there is at least ten people who you meet today who would want to talk to you.
I know it's scary, I didn't have the guts to talk my teacher about the simplest things such as my name for an entire term until she left. My parent like many people are unsupportive or do not understand you. And that's okay. You may want to stay away from your parents and that's ok. I didn't trust my family doctor he was unsupportive and rude about the subject of mental health and it's okay.
It's been years that I have been in denial about depression, and I have done some imaginable things that I thought I would have never done. I tried to commit suicide, too many times but failed each time because the fear of death and being a burden was to our muchto handle. I was depressed deeply and became more and more socially withdrawn. I forgot what happiness was.
And after all this time maybe after all there will be a happy ending. After the suffering, the pain, the sharp, sharp pain somewhere in my mind a very frail voice drowned by the darkness of the depression monster it says fight. And I will fight and I hope you will too. It's not easy, recovery is not a straight line but maybe it's worth it just to get out of bed, use all that effort to seek help. May it be your local gp, a family member, a friend a professional .
Look I know it's difficult to unravel the chains, and I know it's a brave and scary thing to do. Honestly it's the bravest thing to do to seek help and I am so proud of you for trying so hard to fight to survive. It took me two years but in the end you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.
After all help is only an appointment away...