What are you looking for?
2 months ago · · Feelings,
You've been stuck in my mind for the past 3 years and I hate it. I hate that you're such a driving force in my life despite the fact that I haven't talked to you in so long (Nothing meaningful like we used to at least). I hate that you flaunt your boyfriend on social media, seemingly knowing that I could've had you. That as scary as it is that could've been me. I hate how we used to stay up late during school nights and talk about our problems, and how we used to ease each other. I hate that I was so intimidated by your wealth that I never thought we could be anything more.
I know that love is more than money and dates, but when you would come to school with your new Iphone, camera, airpods and your new dyed hair I would shrivel up inside. So rattled to my bones because I could barely afford a haircut and was still wearing clothes from Junior High. In a lot of ways I feel like you've driven me post High School, to be more showy and energetic. To flaunt wealth as if it has always been something I've possessed, when really me and my family have been paycheck to paycheck since I was 8. Maybe that's how you felt. Maybe someone made you feel that way. Dare I say insecure? Am I just projecting my feelings? I feel like a moron talking about this for so long, but I could never understand you. That's why I liked you so much. Maybe that's why you liked me.
I hate that you've been stuck inside my mind for the past 3 years without paying rent.
Most importantly, I hate how much I see myself as the world's worst landlord. Despite the missed payments and overdue conversations, I don't want you to leave. You drive me, yet I can't seem to talk to you anymore.
I feel like it's time to let go.
But I JUST CAN'T HOLEY MOLEY