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So I kinda hate living and I know what you're thinking oh every teenager has depression and anxiety nowadays but my life really does suck. I'm not trying to get pity from you i'm just stating facts. When I was little my parents separated more or less because of my dad's drinking and hitting my mom she finally got fed up with it and left. I've never really seen it but that what she said happen i guess I was either to young or to dumb to realize it. Well anyway I grew up with 8 other siblings and being the middle child I really never got looked at that much my mom's focus was always on everybody else. After a while of her trying to take care of kids I guess she thought it was to much because she sent me and my younger sisters to daycare which was fine because the lady their acted more like a mom to me than my real one. After my mom had us go to daycare Monday through Friday 7 am -5 pm it got very tiresome. Even when she got off of work she was really never home she was out with her boyfriend and now my step dad almost every night. I remember one time when i called my mom crying asking her to come home and you know what she told me. A young kid worrying about her mom sobbing to her she F***ing told me to grow up yeah me her kid the one that she was suppose to love and raise. You know what I did grow up ,I really did, I learned to hate her . Now that she home because her and that boyfriend got married she home and she tries to get close to me but I hate her the sight of her gets me disgusted she never payed any attention to me when I was a kid but now that all her older kids are grown up and left the house she tries to connect with us but the only that ever talks to her is my little sister because she too young to realize how she abandoned her kids. I hate her not only cause she left because she treats me the worse out of all her kid so for years I've been asking for a gaming computer and I get it why should my mom get a spoiled brat like me one well maybe because she told me she couldn't afford one and it made me feel bad for asking then a week later she buys a new purse that cost more than my stupid pc I wanted. Then my sister who never asked for a laptop or anything she bought her a 2000 one where the pc I've been wanting for years but my sister just got handed it without asking it just irrating my mom is such a b*tch and I wish she died not my dad who is dying from drinking.
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You're anger is valid, but it is known that you should not let your past affect you in a negative way, it is known that you are the only one that can let someone tear you down, and it is known that who you are as a person is solely controlled by you and only you. Of course this is never just black and white, I'd be a fool if it were that simple, so I'd really suggest that you'd try and not hold a grudge against your mother or hate your mother for what she had done and said to you. I'd suggest that you go and try to get a job of sorts and become independent, so that you don't have to rely on your mother as much. Yes, getting a job is a but hard, but if you really wanted it then you wouldn't stop at anything to get just that. I hope the best for you and that after you come back to see if anyone responded, you re-read what you wrote and reflect on it.
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