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idk what to do anymore
1 year ago · · social anxiety, · Explicit
So I have been feeling like dying. I just want what im going through to end. I've watched videos of other who wanted to kill themselves but now im conflicted. I have never been bullied to the point people are point, laughing, and shoving me. I have never been sexually abused or physically abused. I've never had people come up to me or spread rumors about me and say that I was ugly or that im fat or anything like that. I honestly from what i have seen have to valid reason for wanting to kill myself. Except my bad social anxiety which I seem to have created all on my own. I'm not pretty tbh but people dont exactly ever bother me about it. Out of nowhere though i started getting terrible anxiety around people. I just start imagining the worst things they could be thinking about me and i cant help but want everyone to like me. These are things that most teenagers go through as u may already know but things got really bad after a while. When i entered 7th grade my body started to react to these levels of anxiety and stress through extreme sweating. I would sweat all over my body and worst of all i would sweat on my face. The thing everyone has to look at. I still have this sweating to this day. I sweat around even the people i consider "friends" because im to scared to tell them what im going through. They wouldnt understand how much sweating actually stops me from living a normal life. i cant high five people or even touch them in fear theyll ask why my hands are all sweaty because from what ive heard and seen people find sweating as something super disgusting and i do to. I have to make up all these lies as to why i cant give high fives and touch people. I cant even wear the clothes i want without sweating. I cant wear any clothes other than black when im out in public and anything other than sneakers are not happening. Even in the summer i will be wearing a black sweater in fear of people calling me disgusting even tho i shower like everyone else. I cant even go on dates or tell the boy i like that i have feelings for him because i cant hold his hand like other normal girls do. I just stand on the side lines with my sweaty self and cry. and no matter what i do I cant help but sweat when im nervous. I try not to but it just happens all on its own. And just think for a sec if u sweated so much it reached the bottom of your shirt and your hands were dripping wet....How many thing in your life would that affect? How many problems would you face? Thanks to this Ive lost all my confidence i once had. I hate my body I hate my life. I just want to die and not have to go through with this anymore.it may seem like a small thing to some of you but this has been killing me and continues to and wont stop reminding me of how disgusting i am. No matter how hard i try to hide it.