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I had heard about you for many years and how wonderful you are. When we were finally introduced by a mutual friend I liked you instantly. I couldn’t see the dark clouds because of your smile. At our age everyone has baggage, I was just hoping to meet someone nice to spend time with and maybe find love. I was wrong.
You are a user. You use alcohol to numb the pain of your life that was and will never be. You call it fun, I call it demolition. I confronted you tonight in a very gentle loving way about it and asked you to talk. I told you I have been there, I’m flawed and not passing judgement at all and all I saw was a blank look of someone that cares about no one in return.
Thing is, I could have loved you. I could have loved you and protected you from everything and everyone. You say you want that, your actions prove otherwise.
I left your place and drove home, heartbroken, feeling stupid and wondering if I really ever will meet anyone nice again. Hell, I called my ex wife just to talk to her and I never do that. She gave me some great advice. Your burden is not mine to carry.
You asked me tonight what evidence I had that led to me supposing you had a problem. Hmmmmm let’s see. I mentioned Christmas and you agreed. Today was as bad. Not to mention the fact that you have a black eye, a bruised knee, a bump on your head and no telling what else because you came home drunk the other night and tripped over your cat. That, the empty liquor bottles in your trash, the endless complaining about being poor but you spend all your money on Uber because fortunately you are smart enough to not drink and drive. You know where every happy hour in town is and can describe it in detail. You will never be an attorney because you can’t pass a bar. Sorry that was unnecessary and a cheap shot.
I have to let go. For my own sanity, for my son, for me. I have to walk away. I have walked away many times before from many people. I’m glad we are finding all this out now. It hurts, I’ll bounce back.
As for me, I’m done for a long time. I’m going to go work on me and do things I want and need to do. I’ll spend the time and energy I spent on trying to save you from yourself and picking up your life on my own.
I took a drunk girl home. I left the hall light on, left your keys right there by the phone. I made sure you were tucked in bed and locked the door as I walked out. I did stop and take one last look back, I questioned myself for about a second wondering if I was doing the right thing. Is turning my back on you the right thing? How I’ll indeal
With the news of your death and that you drank yourself to death or died in your own vomit.
I know my last words will be well shit that didn’t work, hopefully yours won’t be the sound of you gagging
Goodbye.
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