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I want freedom from it all.
I don't feel like I can go anywhere without feeling paranoid, stalked and watched by these particular strangers. This is how I've been living for the past 3 years and it doesn't come to an end. I can't eat at any restaurants, do outdoor activities and enjoy anything without having to look over my shoulder. I'm always worried about being followed and something going wrong.
I don't fully understand and know why exactly I'm being followed, usually "stalkers" have a motive and it's not very clear on the intentions at hand.
It comes across as intimidation and behaviors being done deliberately, or some other malicious intentions of some kind that I'm unaware of. These people and the purpose of following me doesn't make much sense but I can tell they're following me and acting really odd when I'm around. I don't know if it's some type of fraud or something else even more sinister, but it's bothering me now and affecting my life. It's destroying my well-being to the point where I don't leave the house anymore and experience some type of PTSD.
I don't know why this is happening to me and why these people are doing this to me. I'm not even sure if it's actually happening and get some type of reassurance. Nobody helps and has proven to me that they can help when they don't listen and look into it deeper. They all act like it doesn't matter, don't give a shit enough wanting to help and be honest if they know something is going on or not. Sadly,my friends and family don't believe me when I tell them something is wrong and doesn't seem right. I can't talk to anyone anymore, I worry about being thrown into a mental institution and get labeled as crazy. Police can't help without any proof,worried they laugh at me and turn me away. I know for sure that I'm not mentally ill where I need to be hospitalized. I want to be free from this and i don't feel like there's any way out no matter what I try to do against it. I'm out of luck and nothing works. I have no idea where to start and make these changes in order to have whatever is going on stop. I'm doubting myself thinking it could all be in my mind,or the scenerio is much worst and I've been unaware the entire time. I don't know what to do, how to go about this anymore to be normal and feeling better again. I'm stuck in this bullshit hell that looks to be coming from other people, putting me through this on purpose and making it worst. I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore. Nobody understands that this is taking a psychological and emotional toll on me. Its not some form of attention seeking when I reach out and explain to them what's going on.
I never behaved like this in my life before and suddenly I've been face with this problem for 3 years, countless times I've tried to ignore it and act normal. I've been trying to convince myself that it's all in my mind and I need to relax.
I've noticed that certain matters just don't add up right and something is missing. I'm aware of my surroundings,the more I realized and payed attention the worst it got. People who are possible the cause and involved in this are becoming a fucking nuisance in my life. There's nothing benefitcual is coming out of this. People are having some kind of influence on this and whatever they're doing it's ruining my life.
I never asked to be in this and never wanted to be involved. I can't live this way anymore wondering what the fuck is going on and what the hell is being done. I've been having suicidal thoughts and urge to hurt myself because of it. I never go through with it because I can't do it, I fear feeling the pain and I don't want to feel more pain than I already have. Deep down part of me wants to end it all and make it stop.
I'm really suffering psychology, emotionally and it's driving me crazy.
I'm getting no fucking answers, explaination and trust on any of this. I feel like people are lying to me and hiding the truth from me.
I hate all of this.
I feel like I'm going crazy here and I'm losing a sense of myself little by little as this goes on.
I have to force myself to try and not let it bother me by pretending to be okay out in public when really I want to runaway and hide.
I don't know what the purpose was for people to start harming me this way or whatever else was being done behind my back. People have defamed me and ruined my reputation causing drama. People have ganged up on me, mistreated me without a real reason and judge me very quickly. Nobody has ever confronted me with a issue they might of had with me and figure out what's going on. It pisses me off that people continue to play these fucking games with my life and lie to me. I don't know what's going on anymore but it's suspicious and it's affecting my well-being. I've done nothing wrong on purpose to deserve this, I'm not perfect but a bad person is something I'm not. I don't need to suffer more than I already have throughout my life and this has pushed it too far.
It's becoming more unfair and harder for me to be grateful about anything in my life, when this is being done to me and nothing has improved in a positive way.
I hate myself enough. I'm not proud of the life I'm given and how I'm living it. I certainly am tired of the horrible shit that people continue to do against me. If I don't get out,get answers and get away from this,i won't last much longer and will end it. I'm losing hope in getting any sort of closure and truthful answers on what's going on.
I have had enough of this fucking
bullshit and not living my life with some peace of mind.
I get no privacy,no breaks from all of the turmoil and it doesn't get any better.
I need help to get out !!!!!
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