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not long ago i came to a very sad realization.
all the friends i ever had, always became better friends with each other which made me feel left out.
the furthest i can backtrack is a friend i had when i was very little, at the age of 10 probably. it was my first really close friend but my older sister and her eventually ended up being even better friends and before i knew it, i was naturally excluded.
after that i made another great friend in 7th grade. i called her my best friend for many years, and she did too. we still do but i feel like we're far from it. we used to be a trio. her, me and another friend. eventually i moved to another city but they remained in the same city and eventually they became better friends. which again made me feel left out.
a few years back, i made a really close and very important friend in my life. i could feel that this friendship was far deeper than any i'd had before. for the first time i felt like i could be really close with someone but again, another person came into the picture. they are now better friends as well, and i just stepped back and fell into loneliness yet again.
it happened again just a few months ago and that's when i realized it has happened over and over in my life. it made me really sad to realize and it to realize its one of my biggest fears since it manifested in my at a very young age..
and im not the person that will fight for my spotlight, i really dont have the energy for it since all my friendships have always died due to someone else.
i really dont know why its happening but it started to feel like a curse. like im not allowed to feel that deep friendship with anyone, destined to just float around in the outskirts my whole life.
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The thing is, people with come and go. It’s true for everyone. Your friend who came into your life had a life before they met you too. They had best friends before you in the same way they had best friends after you. You had different best friends along the way too.
I hope I am making sense to you.
This isn’t something you should get scared for or jealous over. Because it’s the natural way of life. Very few people are lucky enough to have one close friend over a large number of years.. and even they hit patches where they don’t really talk or understand each other. The physical place where two people are also factors into how close they can become. Of course people will be closer to people who they see everyday.. anyway I hope you come to see this not as a curse. :)
ReplyIt does make sense. Thank you for reading and giving me your point of view, its really healthy to see that aspect of it.
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