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If as you stand in front of the pastor, judge, or minister; before you and your spouse take your vows and you were asked simply, “Do you take this person for worse, for poorer, in sickness, till death do you part”? (if you were asked about the bad times before any good times; if you know and anticipate struggles and hardships; if you understand life will through you curve balls of unemployment, debilitating sickness, death of parents and family, depression, feelings of insecurity, questions of life’s purpose, and a host of other feeling) Would you still say “I do”?
I think this is a more thought provoking question, when all that’s asked is, can you handle the down times. Before I marry again, I want to know, as Boyz II Men and New Edition (I like their version better) put it, can you stand the rain? Most people can endure steady paychecks, a well-managed budget, semiannual vacations, health that accompanies youth, dreams homes and dream cars. Most people enjoy credit cards with no limits, predictability, and good health. But to know if you’re ready for marriage, you need to ask, “Do you take this person for worse, for poorer, in sickness, till death do you part”? Before this question can be answered couples have to take a long hard look at themselves and be 100% truthful with themselves. If you’re materialistic, be honest enough to say you can’t be with someone in poorer. If you’re selfish, be honest enough to say you can’t be with someone in sickness. If you can’t offer encouragement during life’s down times, be honest enough to say you can’t be with someone for worse. Having a conversation with yourself and answering truthfully is one of the hardest things a person can do. To take a look in the mirror and say to yourself that you’re selfish, greedy, lazy, disappointed, fearful, and unsure of yourself or a host of other negative emotions and feelings is hard. But change can’t happen without first acknowledging there’s a problem. Before we can be in a successful relationship with someone else, we first have to be in a positive, honest relationship with ourselves and our God.
Marriage isn’t for everyone. One thing is clear from the divorce rate in America; marriage isn’t for half of us. Love is a great reason to get married, but there are many other reasons you shouldn’t get married.
Don’t get married just to say you’re married. Some wear marriage like a coat or a necklace; as an accessory. They treat marriage as something that was obtained and not revered. Some get married to avoid that question some may ask, “Why aren’t you married”? I imagine the older we get and not married, others may wonder about someone’s personally and character that would prevent them from being married. Are they crazy, mean, controlling, manipulative, or simply unhappy?
Don’t get married for the kids. Don’t get marries just so you won’t be a single parent. I believe and research has shown children are “happier and healthier” in a two parent households. But don’t get married for them. They will be alright. It’s better to be involved in your children’s lives separate from their other parent and you be happy, than for you to be unhappy. If you’re unhappy, you will take out your frustrations on your children and your spouse.
Don’t get married because your parents are married. Often our parents set a wonderful example of what love and marriage should be and it is an admirable relationship type to strive after. But understand what our parents and grandparents had and have is built on a different type foundation our generation is building relationships. They had trust and God. We have Google and options.
Don’t get married to avoid loneliness. Sometimes you just want someone to split an appetizer at Chili’s. Life gets busy. It’s hard to make time for friends and family. Sometimes the TV just isn’t the company you need. Sometimes you just want to cuddle. Sometimes you just want someone there. In Genius the Bible says it’s not good for us to be alone. But don’t marry someone to fill a void of loneliness that is accompanied with elements that are counterproductive to your happiness.
Understand marriage is for Christians. Marriage is for people that abide by Gods rules for how we should live our lives. Marriage is for people that are willing to take on the roles of husband and wife. Marriage is for a man that loves his wife like he loves himself (who first has to truly respect and love himself. A man who loves himself wants only the best for himself and a married man will only want the best for his wife.) Marriage is for a wife who is willing to summit to her husband, but only to a husband who is worthy of the title Head of House. And again, if a man loves his wife as he loves himself, submitting to his guidance will be in the best interest of the family. Marriage is for selfless people. Marriage is for forgiving people. Marriage is for happy people. Marriage is for encouraging people. Marriage is for loving people. Marriage is for people who love regardless and in spite of. The love of a married person transcends reason, situations and logic. Love heals all wounds. Love forgives all transgressions. Love is considerate and trustworthy.
But beyond love, we must be able to do life with someone. After love is life and life is the hard part. Love doesn’t fire employees from jobs, life does. Love doesn’t diagnosis us with cancer, life does. Love doesn’t pollute our minds with statuses, life does. Love doesn’t want designer clothes, fancy meals, exotic vacations, or expensive jewelry. The society we live in and life does. No matter the life we live, in the end, it’s not the material things we accrue, but the relationships we develop that will mean the most. And in the end you’re not going to want a diamond on your neck but rather the interlaced fingers of the husband or your wife.
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Were the homosapiens/cavemen getting married and monogamous beings?
Uhh, No.
Did Adam and Eve get married?
No, they were just placed together without this sacred ceremony called marriage.
What does that tell you really about marriage?
Reply