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I have no profitable skills. I'm not very good at anything. So naturally when people asking me things like "what have you been up too?" or, "What do you plan to study?" and the more jab to my pride question, "What happened to culinary school?" I sweat bullets. One time I even sat with my mouth open for a good five minuets and when my aunt asked if I had heard her I said I had to think of something to tell her and make it sound like I was doing more than just sitting around waiting for an epiphany or the answer to my existence to fall into my lap.
As previously sated I have no "marketable" skills, but I do have some skills. take that statement with a grain of salt of course because as I said I'm not very good at the little skills I have. Wondering what skills I claim to have? Well I like to sew, of course I can't make anything of good enough quality to sell any of my creations. I can draw and paint but not very well, I have been told I am a good artist but I am no where near the level to create comics, animations, or just sell prints. I'm not good enough where people want to pay to have my art grace their walls. I have been told I have great Ideas for books but no idea how to write them and for them to be interesting. The idea is there but the writing skills are not. I'm good at crafts making trinkets and decorations or gift boxes but why spend money on these little handmade things when factories and companies produce and sell them for cheaper and likely better quality and in more quantities.
What makes matters worse is that I want to try so many more things instead of focusing on bettering the skills I have built now. Or better yet I don't want to learn something more reasonable and useful. No of course I would want to learn something like medieval techniques and tools need for blacksmithing more than something more practical like talking to strangers, and learning to cope with my fear of interacting with people or just simply being alone outside my home.
I am a person with many new beginnings but I never see anything through, and when I do I still have not master one skill. Everything I learn is so useless yet others have found a way to use the skills I do have. Only problem is I'm not a master at them and have no way to use them or any idea HOW to use them to make an honest living.
Begs the question though, do I really want to turn something I love doing into work and end up resenting it? I don't know if i could stick with a hobby that became work. I have no way of know and neither did anyone else but I don't know why I can't take that chance.
Maybe it's because I know I can't leave anything to chance, I can't afford to leave it up to "chance". I can always begin a new hobby but I can't risk doing something I love and making it into something I can live off of. What if I am not good enough? What if I go about it all wrong and it flops? What if I can't build a market to sell too? there are too many "what ifs" and where there is what if there is a opportunity to take a chance and that is something I can't afford.
I have no money, no home of my own, no job, no skills to even get a job (I'm still trying to get one btw) and even if I had the money or luxury to fund what I would like to do what I would enjoy and turn that into a marketable skill I would have everything to loose just for a Chance to gain something.
Thats a whole nother something,
That I am not willing to Begin.
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I agree with you on not wanting to turn something I enjoy into something my livelihood depended on, because I know I would come to resent it oh so much. Also I could not bare to see others put a price on what is priceless time and devotion to me. I could never do that to something I love.
However, I have to point out, life is but a game of chance. Everything that happens is chance. If you are going to wait around for absolute certainty, well I'll just say don't hold your breath.
The only thing a person can ever control is their reactions to everything that happens. And that too only after a lot of practice because for most people their emotions tend to rule them. If you think by doing nothing you are safe you are so wrong. Time will keep moving and while you think you aren't doing anything you are actually choosing to do nothing. My point is that, 'Nothing' is a choice that you make. When you decide not to take a chance, you decide to take a chance that the universe will somehow fix everything and make your life into whatever it needs to be. And as long as you are taking a chance why not take it in something you can believe in more than the 'Universe'.
I hope some of that made sense to you.. I won't give any advise on what to do because you seem like a smart cookie and in the end only you can decide.
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