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I have no clue how to feel about this and feelings aren't helping
6 months ago · · Stress,
(Hi it's me again) Alright, so, basically, I was walking with my guy friend, let's call him Carlito. So Carlito and I are walking together to lunch, and I see this dude that has been watching me for quite some time behind us with his friend Apple. You see, I've kinda already ranted about him on here but I'm going to re-explain. Basically, I have a crush on this dude, let's call him Ringpop, and so, he scares me, and not like nerves, actual fear, and makes me feel like I'm being hunted by a predator, which only increased as of today. So, I tell Carlito to walk faster, and so we do. Now, I see this two from the corner of my eye start walking faster as well and start following us. Ringpop has his hand gripped tightly to Apples wrist and is dragging him. Of course, they catch up to us, so Apple, Carlito, and I start talking, except I don't talk to Apple because of a lot of past drama that causes awkwardness. I turn to look at Ringpop, and he's staring down at me, not contributing to the conversation, so I start trying to talk to Carlito more to see if he sensed my fear. Unfortunately though, Carlito is a too busy with Apple, and I quickly get out of there. Now, Ringpop always stares at me during lunch, and follows me just about anywhere, but for some reason, he didn't. He just simply sat at lunch, looking like a sad puppy. Now, I thought nothing of it because he was alright before, so maybe I'm just seeing things, but took a mental note about it. Apparently, I was wrong, because the next day (today), same thing happens in the morning. Now, my feelings for him change, so one day I could feel like I don't fear him, and the next day I do, strangely enough, and I wish it could stop (today I don't fear him but on Sunday I did). Anyways, sorry my thoughts are scattered, I go to my friend Ven. Ven is a good, quiet friend of mine that I like to vent to, so I complain to her about how people assume that I have a crush on someone that I don't. Now, she's giggling so hard to the point of tears, so I continue. When I mention I don't have a crush on Carlito, Ringpop suddenly looks up at me (he was a few feet away from me playing some video game) and simply stared for a moment. So, basically, I explain this to my friend GumDrop, and she tells me that Ringpop might've been jealous, since he's really possessive (very, very possessive), and now I'm worried that he was upset because of me and will start hating Carlito because of it, since Carlito seems to like his presence (I told Carlito about this, and he told me he seemed really nice. Thank you Carlito, for making me feel like I'm being over dramatic) and I don't know what to do. I don't want to stay away from him, yet I don't want to be near him (which I kinda don't have control over that anyways so). I want to report him but at the same time I don't. I feel so over dramatic and so selfish because I've always wanted someone to like me for me, and now this guy comes along and freaks me out, and I want him gone, but at the same time, I don't! I know this isn't normal, but since when has my life ever been normal? Plus, ever since Thursday, I've been seeing dead beetles, and even had one on me somehow, and it's all just really stressful. What do dead beetles even mean?? Ugh, I feel like I'm being driven to insanity. That's it for now, I'll come back if anything gets any weirder.