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Those two are my most traumatizing smells...do you want to take a hazard at a guess why? Please do, I'm curious to wonder what scenes run into your mind. I'm asking this anonymously because you know how it'd be if I talk about it with someone in person...
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It sounds like it's has been awful at one time, for a long time maybe even. Sounds like a male influence.
ReplyI hope not your father. So sorry, hon.
ReplyOwner: You guys are very close, I will tell you the correct answer after today (Tomorrow) so that I will see what others say as well.
Thank you so much, and thank you as well...It is related to something the both of you are guessing.
ReplyWouldn't want to trigger and relive the trauma in my own life.
Why can't you talk about it with someone else?
ReplyWell, the answer is that it constantly reminds me of my dad and my uncle, and they sweat every time they fight...and when they fight, they use guns as threats. (I live in an Asian country) and that was when one of my uncles got shot...My mom and dad always argue/fight and he is a smoker as well, the house stinks of sweat because my mom sweats when she screams/is angry. So now when I smell sweat and smoke outside, it reminds me of home and my uncle, which makes me feel anxious.
I can't talk about this to anyone because my parents told me that family matters are personal, and that I have to lie to everyone that I never had an uncle who got shot in front of me.
That I don't live in a family where things are smashed at eachother.
Where my dad isn't a taxi driver who smokes and does rum
That my mom and dad does share a room and talk
I have to lie and lie about all of this
But I don't like the environment I'm in
I know it could be worse, I know other people get abused themselves and they live through tougher times
But it's not just the environment
My parents always scold me for no reason
And they curse me the worst possible things
That I'm a shame, a dishonor, and an embarrassment to the family
And that I ruined their life
And that I'm a S.O.B (Son of a B)
And that I am a prostitute who abuses substances
And I try to ignore what they tell me....
But
The worst thing my parents (My dad really) curses me is when he threatens to shove a stick in me
I learnt that bad phrase from him, and I didn't know what it meant until I was 5 years old and I screamed it in front of my uncles...my dad asked me to shut up
My uncles didn't care
Because they are jobless
and they depend on their tobacco farm which they took from my dad and made my dad pay their loans they took...and now my dad's bankrupt too
My uncles inject heroin in them
One of them even gave it to me and asked me to smell it
I smelt it and then I also chew on a cigarette and I got a strong headache
I was allowed to use a sniper by the time I was 9 (Not alone, but my uncle taught me)
And now I live only with my mom and dad (Not together with my uncles) and my dad is behaving worse
I
don't
like
those
smells
No one trusts me
Reply