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I just want someone to be coincident, to never leave me unless it's by death. Everybody always leaves me, after promising me that they will stay. And then I forget that everybody leaves until they leave and then I remember that they always leave and I keep doing this to myself. I just want somebody to love me and make feel special. I know I'm weird, I have problems, my family is a disaster. I'm just a seventeen-year-old girl who grew up too fast and just wants somebody to love me and be there for me. I'm just so done waiting though. I think about dying as much as my heart beats a minute. I think about wanting to be kidnapped because just maybe they won't leave me. Sure they will hurt me and do nasty things and most likely kill me once they are done but I can't help thinking that they won't leave me. I know I'm beautiful, I hear it every day, but I don't want to be. I'd rather be ugly if that means someone would stay forever. I'd rather be someone that others want to stay forever for. I just am so fucked up and weird that when I let somebody in they leave, screaming. I'm into a kink known as DDLG. I've been in an abusive home where drugs and alcohol are everywhere since I was six years old. My mother left for three years when I was 10 till I was 13 and I raised myself. Then she came back with a baby and made me raise her. Now she's four years old and calling the man who raped me, Daddy. My mom is still with the man and deosn't care what he does to me. And I was bullied for years because I couldn't see, turns out I needed glasses. I just want to be free. I'm done feeling like this, I'm done living in a house like that. I lay awake at night crying or staring blankly at the wall thinking about all the ways I can hurt and kill myself. After school, I go deep into the woods and cry and hold a knife. Sometimes I cut and sometimes I don't. I want someone to love me and never leave. I want someone who can make me feel happy and make me smile. I want someone who will take me away and save me, even if they kill me in the end. It's not like I'm going to live forever.
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You need God. He will never leave you.
ReplyWow, somehow I feel your pain....
uhhhhhh, honestly, I'd say get yourself into a foster home. Usually they dont send kids off into homes(depending on where you live) but instead stay in the State Custody, or whatever, like you'd be put into a place with other kids for adoption, if you do let someone know, they could arrange that.
I would've killed myself a million times over if I didn't think about that, the idea of a change of pace was my saving grace, but then I found a passion, and I've been working on it ever since
But seriously, getting adopted is probably for the best, but it's my opinion
ReplyI'm sorry for your pain, dear. I truly feel it's possible for you to be with someone who won't leave. Life is scary that way. It's always changing. I'm NOT a Mormon, but I grew up as one, and Mormons stay together for life. I DON'T recommend mormonism at all Lol. But a good Christian man would likely want someone for life. And like the other commenter said, God will never leave you, which is what comforts me.
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