What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
My handle is SoMuchHate, because I feel that there is so much hate in the World. I expect horrible things to happen to myself and my family. My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer last October, and it is in his lymph nodes, bones, and gut.
Since then my life was split into two. Before cancer (BC) and after cancer (AC). When I look back at my BC life, the "problems" I had weren't problems at all. My family struggled with so many things, but this is the biggest.
Before all of this, I was already on three anti-depressants. AC, I told my mom that I wanted to kill myself, and she wasn't very happy (obviously). I feel like I can't talk to her honestly anymore, because I don't want to burden her and bring her down (even more).
BC I was planning on getting a gun permit and a gun, but now I don't trust myself with a gun in the house. I've always been suicidal, but now I am so much closer than ever before.
Sometimes I have thoughts of my whole family dying and us being together in Heaven. I feel like I just want to get it over with. But that is so selfish of me and I realize that. I feel like I am just waiting for my Dad to die. The waiting is consuming me. He is all I think about, a lot of the time I can't focus on other things because his sickness is overwhelming.
How disgusting of me to feel this way....I'M NOT THE ONE THAT IS SICK.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
I'm a mistake
I am really tired. I just wanna sleep and never ever wake up. I am really tired of pain and heartbreaks. I've grown really cold-hearted to the point where i don...
-
I'm not Okay, I know, Help me?
Hey, um, so, it's my first time doing something like this. I'm fifteen and it came to my attention that it's not "appropriate" for me to think the way...
Omgosh, this must be incredibly painful for you. I'm so sorry! Life is really painful at times. I agree, the world has so much hate, but if you look in the right places, there's a lot of love too. I'm so sorry about your dad. My dad passed from a brain tumor.
Please don't get a g-u-n. If I'd had one when I wasn't wanting to live, I wouldn't be here now, for sure. But I'm glad I'm here now and I thank God every day for getting me through the hard times. I wish the best for you, luv. I'm here for you.
ReplyI’m sorry your dad is sick, but you need to be strong for him.
I watched my dad die of cancer over a month, but we had to help him get up, try to encourage him to drink his protein shakes, clean him up, give him his pain meds.
You gotta pull yourself together, that’s a lot of work and your family needs your help.
Reply