What are you looking for?
11 months ago · · Explicit
Remember when you smiled and I pretended like it didn't fuck me up for a solid month?
I instantly wrote down a line of my "prose"
"You smiled, and I almost didn't melt"
No such thing as "almost" though, is there?
Just like last year at this time, when we "almost" finally came together. You came on so strong, so fast.. I remember feeling elated, finally having you where I wanted you. All for me.
But you changed just as quickly. Hot and cold. There, then gone. My passion isn't so easily extinguished.
And not even a full month later, you were with her. Daggers.
I don't think I ever allowed myself to mourn my loss of you... Is that why these feelings resurface now? Nearly a whole year after the last time we touched.
Or are they here because we are truly connected? Do I feel this resurgence of passion because I hear your thoughts of me? Because from my all too close, yet so far away perspective, I feel your discontent?
The truth is, it hurt brutally, and I've always acted like it was nothing. People in my personal life hadn't had a clue anything had been wrong at all. But I was destroyed at the way we left things.
I tried telling you, but was met with the same calloused brief responses I was accustomed to from you.
Before you and her got together, I had told you to stop messing with me. Hoping you would explain how you really felt, hoping you would step up. I set a boundary in hopes you would cross it... And I was wrong for that, and all it did was shove you away from me, and into her arms.
Or maybe it was her all along. Never me, for you..
I felt as though you just wanted to feel me, one more time, before you pursued the real object of your affections. I'm glad I didn't let you take me fully that night.
The things you said to me, last time.. Really got my hopes up. I was hesitant.. But you should understand that. You said you knew it had been "our time" - That it'd been coming for a while now. You said you wanted to be "a part of my life". All changed within weeks. Because of her?
I hate to sound jealous. But I am. I hate that she gets to know you when I've always longed to. I hate that you chose her over me.
I can't shake these recent thoughts of you, so I hoped that writing them down might help. I can't stop hoping you'll tell me you left her. That you always loved me, just didn't know how to reach me, just like I've felt so unable to reach you.
If you're happy, and I'm pathetic for thinking so much of a taken man, I truly do apologize. But if my hunch is correct, and if you're unhappy with her, know that I'm here to help repay the favor you paid me. all those years ago, when you helped me to leave my unfortunate relationship.
I love it when you mess with me. I love it when I have your attention. I've always wanted you to feel just a fraction of what I feel for you, for me.
Please, tell me you do.