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My biggest regret is...
8 months ago · Alcoholism, · Explicit
You gotta understand I quit drinking Super Bowl Sunday 2008. Incidentally this is also the year the world started to turn to shit. And no thats not a roundabout slap at Obama or Democrats as a collective.
If anything the year he got in I was so far to the left I made Al Franken look like Pat Buchanan.
I mean I’m old enough to remember the world previous to the internet yet young enough to see the tech thing be born and well, blossom’s probably not the right word, honestly I agree with this finance fellow I heard from England say words to the effect “Technology hasn’t objectively improved anything it’s only added to complexity and cost”
I so, so agree. It isn’t just that I mean people have become so clueless and socially inept they make me look like the most interesting man in the world from the dumb beer adverts.
Romance just sucks I haven’t dated since 2014 and my last real relationship went sideways in 2012.
And speaking of that year that was a huge sociological shift, people just began to get vile and nasty, so much so the energy in most of the major population centers by 2015 had just become malignant.
The last organic conversation I had with anyone was probably in 2007.
Pronouns are pejoratives now, we have 67 different genders, romantic love is largely an anachronism and people just aren’t capable of appreciating or taking care of anything anymore.
It’s like Terry Gilliam’s Brazil and Idiocracy crashed into each other, became a single film then changed into a documentary.
And don’t even get me started on media in all its forms, it’s a cesspool.
As far as my personal life my friends and family are all dead and or gone, all the people I graduated rehab with fell off the wagon and or the face of the Earth.
What keeps me going? I don’t know honestly, I’ve lost my spiritual faith, living becomes kind of a habit I guess.
I’ve had people try to tell me “You’re story could inspire others, yadda yadda” but I know from bitter experience that once people know you have a history they start looking at you like a liability waiting to happen.
I don’t go to AA either. Just google “12 Step Horror Stories” or “AA Is Dangerous”
But those are my options at this point, hit the bottle again or live in an AA bubble.
I could kill myself too. I’ve tried, multiple times in the past. It is on the table.
Otherwise I could just do the old cliche move to a new city, start over with zero expecration from anyone or thing.
If I can’t make that happen by August, September at the outside I may have to get Darwinian. I can’t survive another of these northern winters.
See what I shoulda did was give up the booze during the Y2K scare then resumed in earnest around 2009 or so lol!
Well if you’ve read this novella to the end I commend and thank you. It’s pretty grim I know and no I’m not gonna apologize for being authentic but I do wish you well in your journey whoever you are and stay sharp, stay on point, I’m gonna go have a cowboy killer and listen to Fragments by Thievery Corporation.
Good night and good luck...
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