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My Unsent Letter
11 months ago · · Breakup,
I actually threw up.
After my ab and butt workout, midway into my buttworkout, I had to stop.
I had to throw up.
It was the feeling right before throwing up.
Where you feel like you’re going to die at the edge of a cliff. Like if anything changes, you will die.
As I was making my protein shake, it came. The panic. The omg I’m literally going to die. Omg what do I do. And then I threw up.
Am I detoxing the past? Is this my body’s way of saying I reject everything of Kyle. I reject everything for he has officially moved on.
I am shaking. My hands can’t stop shaking.
I change the dialogue. I change the narrative in my head. No, you were dehydrated. You had water from a water bottle from a month ago, why? Because it was there for you to drink. You’re throwing up because you over worked yourself.
You’re throwing up because you had to.
You’ve been wanting to throw up. You’ve been feeling nauseous for a month. You are going through a lot of changes around you. Everyone, including your family, is moving on. You need to move on. Please, there is no reason to hold on anymore. Just move forward.