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Fights with my mom are getting worse and I can't stay here anymore. I'm doing my best to don't lose it and make shit hit the fan. I'm trying, I'm trying...I'm grinding my teeth so hard until it snaps.
I'm looking for a job recently...
If I don't make it...
I'm seriously considering suicide.
I don't want to be here anymore.
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Are you feeling stuck?
Me, year after year. Can't say that I'm living, I'm not. Even if I'm breathing but...it also seem so wrong. How many fingers your own family pointed at you?...
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Thank you
To the ppl wo supported me during my darkest time, to the anonymous ppl here in novni who advised me a lot despite of not knowing each other, to everyone who he...
I know how you feel. You deserve to live a life that’s your own do not forget that.
ReplyYou aren't alone, I can totally sympathise with you. I have been fighting with my dad for years and have often driven myself crazy over it. The best thing I can recommend is try and find something that takes up most of your time. If this job doesn't work out, try and find a hobby or make new friends or go out and do something. It's a lot easier said than done but when I was at a low point, thats what I did and I feel 100x better because of it. I wish you all the luck in the world but keep fighting, keep gritting your teeth until they fall out if thats what it takes but don't give up. There is always something that can be done to change things or make things better. I promise!
ReplyPlease don't do that. I want you to hold on to life as long as you can, all will be okay! Please pray, i am praying for you, please don't ruin everything like this. Your life has great purpose! Don't give up so soon.
ReplyI know how you feel, dear. I hope you change your mind. You won't always be in this situation. I'm so glad I didn't end it when I wanted nothing more than to be out of this life. You're strong and have everything it takes to get through this. You're in my prayers.
ReplyI'm so sorry for what you're going through. Here's why I'm glad I didn't end it. I believe that by ending it, we go to a place far worse than here. Maybe that's not in your belief system. It wasn't in mine either, until I faithfully read the Bible ever single day. Anything in this life is heaven compared to hello. I don't want that for you. Please decide to live.
ReplyMy 2 cents from some of my own deep, dark moments - when it gets to the point of hopelessness, more effort doesn't often help.. so drop the effort as much as possible - try to skip the bad fights, difficult decisions etc. for the time being and do some simple and easy things that give you a few moments of peace when you realize you need it - That could mean going out for a walk to stay away from your mom for an hour, opening up and sharing your thoughts safely on novni (like you've done) or whatever else you want to and can easily and safely do in the moment. Be okay with the shit hitting the fan a few times if it does.
I can also see you've become aware of a part of you that is considering suicide and a part that does not want to be here probably due to all the struggle and the stress and the mess. I've been there before. Know that these are just parts of you, hapless parts that need some peace.. they're not the whole of you. There is more to you. And you are capable of much more than acting on those parts. If you've had the awareness, honesty and courage to come and write what you wrote here, you are also capable of living a wonderful and blissful life. It may take a while. It may look difficult. It may even seem impossible. But you are capable. And this is potentially a super important situation in your life to learn and grow from. Just stay put and the awareness in you will grow and you'll start to see things more and more clearly and things will then start happening with much less effort and trial.
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