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My cousin is about a year older than me.
I was growing up with him, he was like my best friend too from the first day.
He was always next to me as a child, as a teenager, as an adult.
I feel like, he is that person in my life, who can understand me fully, who i can joking with, who gives me the best advices ever.
When we were in our childhood, we spent like the whole day together, playing, going to the playground. I know it makes every little kid happy to go there and mostly when it's with a close person, but it was something different.
When we were at our Grandmother's house with our family, we slept in the same bed always, because it was not that much place here. I just felt calm, happy.
I looked up to him in my whole life. He is just unperfectly perfect.
He was already the best partner to me already in my childhood. It was something special connection between us.
At the first time he had a girlfriend,and i moved to an another city to my dad, i started to realize that i'm jealous. I didn't understand what's going on. I had the feeling, that somebody stole him from me.
I was thinking about him a lot, chatting with him, calling him daily. When he replied, i was always happy.
As i grew up, i realized that i have feelings for him. Not the feelings what you normally have for a relative, it was like when you are in relationship with somebody.
When i looked into his eyes, i found him wonderful, gorgeous. It was like, i seen that beautiful soul, beautiful heart what he has.
He is not perfect, nobody is. But if he makes something wrong, i could never be angry, because i find it perfect, doesnt matter what he does. Because it's him.
I have a lot thoughts of us, what would be between us if i wasn't his cousin, if i was a girl.
When he is close to me, i would like to hug him, be close to him, lay on his chest or stomach. I would like to kiss him, feel his love, feel his beautiful lips, i think if i could do that, it would give me a safe feeling.
When i started to have sexual thoughts about him, dreaming about feeling him that way, i felt strong compunction.
Short time after, this strong compunction lost, because i knew it's not because of any perversions, it's all because of that true love what i feel for him.
I would like him to control me sexually, i would do anything what he wants, doesn't matter if it's a romantic, sensual love-making, or even a rough, hardcore sex.
I started to write this story because i already have the feeling, that i'm lonely without him, but i can't tell him my feelings.
I'm afraid, what if his reaction would be worse than i think. I think i would lose him forever.
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It is normal to fall in love. It happens especially when you build a bond with someone. Whether or not it is appropriate is a different conversation.
I would consider why you are in love with him. Is it because of the bond and because of your relationship? Is it because he was there during tough times?
Is it something you can find in someone else?
The reason I ask is because people will think of themselves and their own situations 99% of the time. Are you considering everything and everyone? Do you think he would be receptive in hearing it, knowing nothing at all will be gained and everything can be lost?
You can tell him how you feel without being over the line. Just be careful.
ReplyYou can cherish a person & love them deeply without intimate interactions. If you cannot control your sexual urges, then you need break contact. Do not pervert the dynamic of FAMILY. Love your cousin, check in on them, make sure they know you care about them & try to make fun memories when you can, BUT, do not mess with the family dynamic, there are plenty of people like him that are NOT your cousin. Practice self control & remember the things you enjoy about him & look for thise qualities in another man.
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