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The darkness in my head. I relish the thoughts of violence against others. Torture, murder. I often think if I could get an animal carcass and play with its insides. If it's alive then I will kill it with as little pain as possible. But then I would take apart the carcass. Sex is something that looks sinful in my eyes. Almost evil. But I have very conflicting thoughts on what is right and wrong. I have so much anger. Maybe it's my parent's hostility towards each other. My inability to socialize, which is why I hardly talk to anyone in my family. I feel alone and hurt. Why do I have the desire to taint everything in my life?
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Please see a therapist/counselor. I would try to get those thoughts out of my head. Its not any animals fault for what people may have done to you. Unfortunately there are really cruel people in this world and ive suffered because of some really miserable cruel people myself. Sorry i can relate to your lack of socialization and hurt though. Take things one day at a time i guess. Live in the moment for the good things.
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