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for everyone that is dealing with homophobic people (please read!)
4 months ago · · LGBTQ, · Explicit
Happy pride month, everyone.
I have been going through a lot of shit lately. I don't want to give you a long rant about my life, but I will give you a little backstory and then I will get to my point.
I'm fourteen years old, lesbian, and mostly an optimist. That's all you need to know, I think.
About 8 or 9 months ago, I came out to my friends. I also came out to my dad (my mom is very homophobic so not to her.) So about a month and a half ago, my friend Katelyn told her mom, who called my mom and told her. I left school and got home, and my mom was standing there looking at me with a mixture of disdain and anger. She just says to me, "Katelyn's mom told me you were gay. Is this true?" and I decide there's no point in lying, so I just reply, "yes. Is there something wrong with that?" And OH MY GOD my mom exploded with anger. Before I knew what was happening, I was being pushed to the floor, screamed at, hit, et cetera. Now this really surprised me because my mom had NEVER acted out physically before in her entire life with me. This was seriously the first time. I tried to bolt for the door and run away but I wasn't fast enough. Anyhow, my dad got home and he didn't do anything...!
This surprised me also, because he had always been supportive ever since I came out to him; and now all the sudden he doesn't even defend me.
Fast foreward a few days: my mom read my diary a little less than a week later. She found out about my girlfriend, and she spent a while screaming at me. Then she randomly scheduled an appointment with the school guidance counsler and said that "I was dragged into a relationship and I didn't want to be in it." This is very untrue. But I was forced to break up, and...we did. About a week later one on my friends told me that she heard that my gf had never liked me in the first place. It turns out that in the beginning she was in the relationship because we were already friends, I liked her and I was very suicidal at the time, and she didn't want me to kill myself so she just consented. I thought 'oh well she had good intentions' until I heard the second part: when my gf had realized that I wasn't planning on breaking up with her (and I wasn't suicidal anymore at this point, FYI), she just was using me as "practice" for one day when she is actually in a relationship with someone she actually likes. What made this harder is after my friend told me all of this, my ex-gf came up to me the next day and literally admitted it. I was crushed by the whole situation. My mom was forcing me to say I was straight, which is obviously a lie... and it felt like my whole world was crashing down.
There's more details to this story but I won't bore you with every little thing that happened. I actually have a point to make here...!
So now, at this point in my story all I had to do was the healing process. And it was hard at first, of course. But just before pride month began I actually had a revelation:
My mom could take away my voice, but she cannot take away who I am. So I should not try to change myself to conform to her standards.
So if you're reading this, you're either bored and reading random posts or you're in a situation like mine in some respect (or you know someone who is). If the latter is true, I want to tell you something.
I don't know who you're dealing with. But you're not alone. Some people in this world are very ignorant and prejudiced; and that's NOT your fault. Actually, most people who are like this ENJOY being this way. I don't know why, and it's not our job to figure it out. But we live in 2019; and although people are entitled to their own opinions (and I respect that), there is NO EXCUSE for acting out against someone because of something they cannot change. Therefore, you are in the right here.
Also, you may feel pressure to conform to the standards of parents, friends, peers, society, etc. And you may be tempted to try that--but hold on. You can pretend to be someone you're not, and you can even start believing your own lies. But at the end of the day, you are who you are; and you're going to feel miserable with yourself for trying to be someone who you are not. When all is said and all is done, you are going to be your own person. Everyone in your life will not be with you permanently. Even the most clingy of parents will eventually be forced to accept you (and if they don't, you can take it to court. Seriously.) :3
Do not ever let someone (except for yourself) tell you who you are. My problems are not over, obviously. So I won't be going to all the amazing pride month festivities and delivering this speech to everyone. (Yes, I wish I could. And yes, someday I will.) But that doesn't mean I'm worth any less than someone who is accepted by their parents! Whatever you're going through is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this.
Also, please leave a comment! :)
See you around!