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4 months ago · · struggle, · Explicit
I been having difficulty for awhile to pick myself up again, when I feel I'm always being dragged down by things and feeling so much weight on my shoulders. I should enable myself in doing something that will help me in the long run, without being held back by anything and myself for that matter, out of my fears. I'm not comfortable anymore in opening myself up, sharing and being vulnerable in front of others.
I had been put through too much drama and in situations that has triggered me to build a wall around myself. These incidences that made me feel uncomfortable were also by how it was used against me and were meant to do me harm. It's both very frustrating and unnerving to feel this way. I hate that I'm feeling stuck with the issues in my life and dealing with myself.
I keep thinking to that maybe I'm not strong enough for this life as I haven't managed to do well with it and improve. I tried to help myself on my own instead, it felt more comfortable for me for a little awhile but it's not working out and nothing is changed for the better.
I know what I need to do to get better, but I am hesitant of going through with it because out of my irrational thoughts, feelings and fears. I'm aware that the consequences of not doing anything about it and seeking out help for my mental health is a lot more grave.
I hate these thoughts of being fucked over again by others, it not working out or the outcome becomes worst. It does take a toll on me and it is making it harder for me to see a positive outlook of the situation.
I wish it were easier to get pass this and allow myself to breathe again...
I just want a way out without falling back and being dragged into trouble by others.