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I have stage 4 cancer. At first it metastasized to my bones. I was on a treatment that worked well for almost 3 years. So everyone was kind of lulled into thinking it would last forever. Now the cancer has spread to my liver and that makes my prognosis so much worse...but to everyone else it’s just business as usual. My mom refuses to talk about me getting worse, my husband still gets pissed off over dumb little things and complains about his aches and pains. My brother is moving out of state. I have a couple friends that I tell my medical stuff too, but they aren’t that kind of friend to commiserate with me. In a few hours I go back on chemo again for three months to try to clean out my liver, and then hopefully try another targeted therapy. But the new drugs have median progression free survival that are measured in months, not years. But, still, life goes on as usual for my family.
I’m pretty strong and can pretend everything’s going to be just fine, but every now and then, I could use a little someone to cry with, or talk about what I might have to go through. I asked for my husband to help clean up the house because I wanted to sanitize everything because my immune system won’t be strong after I start chemo, but that never got done. I’ll have to do it myself...heck, I’ll probably have to dig my own grave too.
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I'm so sorry! I wonder if your family is in denial or just can't face the facts (which is the same thing). I'm sorry you're going back on chemo. It must be awful. I'm sorry your husband didn't clean your house. Maybe they're all just really scared and can't face up to reality. Much love and all the best.
ReplyHey, to me you honestly sound like a really strong person, but don't put it up too much, it's ok. We're just humans and every once in a while it's ok to cry, so don't feel tempted if you ever have to in front of someone else. Now as for not having a shoulder to cry on part, I know how it feels like to not have it, and I know, it hurts. Feeling as if no one really cares about you is a feeling of daggering loneliness, especially at this point of your life. Maybe ask some doctors if they have time to speak now or after their work and some other similar clients suffering from an illness, it's possible they might be the same, and even doctors may be trained to deal with patients on a mental level, they're doctors after all. I know it's not the fanciest technical advice I'd give but I also wanna let ya know that you're just not alone. We all have situations whereby the whole world is on our shoulders and all we really need is another shoulder. I really suggest you find someone to talk to because I really want you to find someone you can talk to and vent out, you need someone. I believe you will meet someone who will be there for you the whole ride, as much as I may wish it was sooner, I just wish it was now. Please, so please, extra please! Don't do it alone. Your family, friends, even your own husband don't seem like those people, but trust me, I know there are people out there you can still reach and share that bond with them you want and need. I really wish it wasn't like this for you, so please, reach out, stay strong, and I hope everything really goes well, Love.
ReplyDude, I can’t even find a doctor to stay with me the whole ride....I’m on my 3rd doctor in 3 years, and I’m pretty sure she’s on her way out too....she works one day a week and I was just told she’s “afternoon only” now!
Reply😥 I am so sorry you feel like you're not being supported by your family. That is really hard. Perhaps one of your friends would help clean up the house? If I had a sick friend and that's what they needed , I would. Also, maybe there is someone you could reach out to where you'll be getting chemo?
In either case, you sound like a strong person. Keep that up. I wish you peace, love, and successful treatment. ❤
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