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Where do I start? Trapped in a cage of rage that keeps me enclosed in my brain. I want to break lose but I can't break free of the chain built in the darkness. They smother me like an anaconda wrapped around my neck. Every time I take a breath he wraps tighter around my neck. I got so much to say, yet I hold back. Everyone around me has had enough so I hold back. I couldn't and at this point I wouldn't even begin to blame them. I'm like a poison to my family. They can't help but cry when they are beside me. STOP I tell myself PLEASE FUCKING STOP why keep going like a Train with no brakes. Your gonna kill yourself worse, your gonna kill everyone else. This is not what your meant for, you my friend have a purpose. Who is this? This voice inside my head finally a sound that doesn't sound dead. Are you my angel? Are you here to save me? Shut the fuck with that bullshit. You ain't even worth saving. But you are you've been told many times prior that you have this charismatic persona to you. Your a good human and you belong. You will make just please keep fighting that good fight. The hamster. I hear him or her chirping or whatever hamster's do. There it goes I'm gone the wheel is spinning and it hasn't been long since it stopped. Every time, Ever single fucking time I get 5 minutes of a Break fuck that 5 seconds maybe. I just want to be there for my babies. I want to be the man my wife wants me to be. Yet my brain is a wheel and a devil hamster is controlling it. Who am I? This is not me. I'm A good person "BANG" fuck that hamster it's gone.
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Hey, I can relate. Sometimes I feel so bothered by reality that my dreams are the only escape I have. Talking to someone, one person always helps I think and usually someone who isn't super close to me, but knows me enough to listen and understand. Try taking some alone time for yourself. I picked up boxing to help with my rage and it helps. I hope you can find something for you that works too.
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