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It still amazes me that some people don't panic in crowds, or fall asleep crying, or walk around all day every day on the verge of a breakdown fighting their emotions to stay hidden until they're alone and can let everything out. I'm happy for all those people, really I am but... I just don't understand how. How can you be genuinely happy or at least ok all the time. How do you not have to fake a smile whenever you're around others. How do you walk through crowds with you head up, saying hello to strangers every 2 steps. How do you raise your hand and speak confidently when you know the answer to a question. I still can't process the fact that some people don't wake up wishing they had died in their sleep, or going to bed thinking maybe you should kill yourself now so you don't have to live through tonight and tomorrow and the rest of your life. How do you look at a pair of scissors or a sharpener and not think of it only as a blade, an escape, something you can run away with now and completely destroy your skin with. How do you look at tall buildings or bridges over traffic and not think that one day you will find your way to the top and jump off. How do you look at pill bottles and not have the immediate reaction to empty them all into your mouth and let them kill you from the inside. HOW do u look at roped and not think of tying a noose and hanging from by your neck until you cant breathe any longer, slowly getting weaker and finally choking out your last bit of air. this sounds so stupid, or like I think everyone should be mentally sick, but that isn't it. I'm honestly just in shock that its not normal to feel things like this every second of every day.
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Everyone has emotions and feelings. They come in different ways instead of looking to suicide. I have a creative outlet. Ac/DC you gotta find an outlet for your emotions. Suicide is not a simple awnser to everything. You have to get to the roots. The main ideals that set you off into despair. There's so many things in life that you haven't endured, good and bad. You have to set yourself free somehow so you can remain the beautiful person that you are. You don't want to give in to depression. You want to spread your wings and fly. Take yourself passed your limits in life. Be your own hero.
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