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I'm not gunu lie.. I'm still not well. This is a message to all the mean people, or even the ones who "don't care" because they "don't think it's a big deal"
I am 21 now and I'm STILL living my life in fear. Fear of bad physical appearance, emotional situations, relationships, getting a job, growing up, even social contact sometimes, basically fear of EVERYTHING. I'm one of the most self conscious people in the world. And i don't mean to be. It's simply psychology. I know I'm not actually fat (yes, thick if anything), but I still FEEL fat as hell. I'm also BARELY starting to learn that apparently all this time I may have actually been pretty? Like, a beautiful person. An 8 out of 10?... I don't know though, I don't really see it still.. Because in middle school I was so verbally bullied that it made me start to believe what people were saying about me and TO me.
I've grown, but I've been alone for so long that I had to learn how to find confidence on my own. I tried to commit suicide when I was 15, but again, I honestly just saved MYSELF. It was an incredibly serious issue though... All I'm saying is, I have personally spent my whole life so far trying to understand and to heal myself while everyone else my age [all my old "friends", acquaintances, peers], they lived their lives WITHOUT the pain and self-healing part. They all got to or GET to live life in the present, while I'm still stuck in the past right behind me that keeps trying to catch up to the here and now.. I do good for a while and then end up having withdrawals where I start to think I'm not good enough again.
My point is, bullying is not only wrong (because I think we all understand that part) but it's f*cking traumatic, and definitely has a f*cking long-term effect. I'm not a bad person, and I'm typically not negative, never TOO mad and for sure never too sad. I was a bright side kinda girl at one point, but jesus that was like the 7 year old me at her oldest. I'm in so much emotional pain and constantly fighting with myself to stay sane that it's f*cking exhausting π΄ I just want to love myself and be the free little social butterfly full of confidence that I once was as a pure, innocent, and unbroken child a long time ago
I'm so lonely.. so alone... whatever πππ
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I'm sorry you feel this way... I often am in the same boat. :(
ReplyThanks, just glad we're not alone
ReplyI find I have to busy myself with stuff to keep myself from doing the exact same thing.
I'm sure meditation can fix this problem.. that's what all the books keep saying. Meditate to recognize. Meditate to heal. Meditate to rewire your brain....
ReplyYes meditation... interesting, I love this idea <3 I especially love that last sentence, cuz I'm all about psychology and spirituality and stuff so thank you! ^-^
ReplyIm sorry for your pain. I'd actually recommend therapy; Therapists can help you challenge some of those negative thoughts and behaviors.
all the best,
overcome
ReplyThank you <3
ReplyI'm so sorry for the emotional pain you're going through, sweetheart. I'm sorry that you were bullied, and can't imagine what that's like, but must be unbearable.
But I do understand the preoccupation with appearance and weight. Plus I've experienced years of intense emotional pain. I went to therapy and it didn't help. I found the best therapist of all, which is God/Jesus and he healed me emotionally and has given me so much hope and peace. I would recommend Him. I wish you all the best and am here for you.
Replywhat are scared of..? ur not d only 1 in ds planet who have that body typ.. so what..? at least you can eat anything u like ... why do you keep on thinking about what other humans think of u..? mind ur own u have ur own brain and u can do wat ever u want with that.. its ur choice.. theyr not gonna help u with that so stop thinking about them. think about what u want to achieve.. physically and mentally.. u have evry right to every dream u want.. focus on that.. dont focus on what d f**ck they blablablabing about.. they dont deserv to be inside ur head.. keep them out.. and into the trash ... trash those f**cking bullies.. peace yall .. π
ReplyLol u seem cool π an that made my day! π so thanks <3
Reply