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I’m gay, and I got the courage to message a guy I have liked for years out on a date, and he accepted. He said “maybe”. I thought if he wasn’t straight he would have said 'no', so I thought I had a chance. The next day I tried to organise the details of the date, like what we were going to do together. The conversation was very one sided and I got a little mad and asked him why he isn’t as enthusiastic as I thought he would be, and if he’s even interested in me. He told me “No, I’m straight”. I asked what the “maybe” he told me was for? He said he didn’t know how to handle the situation and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I told him I would have rather him straight up tell me “No thanks”, than be led on. After multiple messages back and forth trying to get him to feel guilty and apologise, he attacked me and said “Haters gonna hate”, basically telling me to get over it. I told him “How would you like it, if the girl of your dreams accepted your date proposal? You were filled you with joy and hope, and then suddenly, she ripped it all away, and she told you she only acceped because she felt awkward and sorry for you.” That broke him, and he finally apologised and offered us to be friends. I turned him down. What hurt the most wasn’t him turning out to be straight, it was that he filled me with hope. I thought, for once, something was finally going right. The fact that he made me think he cared about me, that he liked me. Something good in my miserable life was finally coming to me, and then, it was gone. I thought “Finally, I’m not alone”.Now whenever i see him around our town, I feel weak, lonely and insignificant, knowing that I’ll never be apart of his life. As much as I hate it, I still want him, and that makes me hate myself.
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Awe darling I'm so sorry this happened to you. The heart can be a fickle bitch sometimes. I am sorry you are suffering through an unstoppable pain, but just know although it may not seem like it now, that pain lessens and lessens until you finally reach the point of relief and say to yourself, "Man! I wasted so much time being sad over someone who didn't deserve that part of myself all that time!" He does sound like a giant arse. Besides the point, I truly hope you find yourself the man of your dreams who compliments and mimics the genuine, caring person you are. - <3 KL
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