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Cancer. A word that carries so many pre-existing assumptions, ideas, thoughts, feelings. We all know someone that has been affected by cancer. Present or past, we know or know of someone that has had cancer affect their lives in some way or another. But at 20 years old? Maybe not so many people. I'm in university, I have an amazing boyfriend, I have beautiful friends, I have a supportive family, I spend hours every night scrolling on my phone, I listen to the charts, I am training to be a teacher, I have a part-time job, I cry at The Lion King, I have all of these things about me that are just 'normal'. But cancer? Where does that fit into this? On the 24th July 2019 I was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. A type of blood cancer that is common in young people, specifically from ages 18-24. So I'm right bang in the middle of that - but still, you don't expect it to be you. Sure, you hear about your friends friends aunt who had cancer. Or that poor boy on the news that has been diagnosed. Or that one in a movie that fights it and comes out the other side. But you? The person you have spent your life being? Becoming? Moulding into who you are now? That little girl that was filled with so much wonder about the world and is now embarking on her journey as a young adult? The girl who started a novni blog to speak about break ups with people that didn't even deserve her anyway? Me? My mothers daughter? My fathers daughter? My siblings sister? My boyfriends girlfriend? Me?
Being told you have cancer is surreal. This past week has been an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. Finding out when you're due on your period is never a good mix, but now I'm starting to feel much more positive. Everything makes sense. Of course I was supposed to get this. I am fortunate enough to have a 'good' diagnosis. Very, very treatable. 6 months of chemotherapy and I will be back to 'normal' life, which I doubt would be very normal. I doubt I will ever have my 'normal' life back ever again, to be honest. But this was meant to happen to me. I feel it now.
I'm supposed to gain the outlook on life that this experience will provide me with. To share with others, my little brothers, my sister, my parents, my beautiful nephew, my boyfriend, my own children in the future. I know I have amazing guardian angels around me and this is something I will overcome with their help. Everyone around me has been amazing, I'm much closer to my parents now, my sister has been my personal driver, my brother has been concerned and less of an annoying bean, my youngest brother doesn't know but has gravitated towards me nontheless. My 5 month old nephew puts a smile on my face. My boyfriend has told me I'm only allowed to cry when it is on his shoulder. My boyfriend's family have sent flowers, cards, well wishes and love my way - and its been felt. My friends have been brave and courageous, one of them telling me she is shaving her head with me when chemo takes mine. I am surrounded by amazing people and my support system is overwhelmingly filled with love. But you know who else I have? Me. The girl that was filled with wonder, the girl that has grown up to hold her own and to stand up for what she believes in. I know I can do this. I know I will be okay. I will win. I will continue to spend hours scrolling on my phone, listening to the charts, training to be a teacher and crying at the lion king. Because at the end of it? I'll have one bad ass story to tell, and to teach. I was destined to be a teacher. I was destined to have this happen to me.
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You can beat it remember to pray and dont give up ok
ReplyThank you so, so much x
ReplyI’m glad your cancer is curable. You should try hard to put it behind you. That was my plan with cancer until I found out I was stage 4 and not curable at all.
I know it’s hard to get past, but you will be cured and it won’t come back. You’ll have a full life and enjoy being a teacher. Good luck.
Leave the worry and anxiety for the incurable,
ReplyHello, I am so sorry for being so ignorant and putting this post out there without thinking/considering how it would impact people with much worse situations than my own. Which cancer is it you have? I would love to talk with you ... I am so sorry to hear that it isn't curable. I hope and pray that one day there is a cure for all illnesses and everyone is able to live the full life they deserve. Hope you're doing okay xxx
ReplyMetastatic breast cancer. So far it has spread to my bones and liver. I am on chemotherapy about to try a less harsh medicine once insurance approves it.
Reply