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I love you. I'm sorry that I did not grow with you but instead, apart from you. Our differences became walls and I couldn't see you anymore. I could only see the things that made us different in bad ways. There was no unity, no intimacy, no passion. I had passions for other things and I couldn't share those with you. And as I say this I feel such loss because you were a part of my life for 23 years. You influenced the person I am today. You are a part of me forever and I will always be thankful and I will always, always acknowledge you for these things. I hope that my presence in your life was for good. I know that I took on a lot and you gladly let me do it all. It seemed to work for us. Until it didn't. Until I couldn't handle it all and you didn't and couldn't take any of it back. Then we were stuck in a situation that made me unhappy. You never said you were unhappy, but I believe you were. I know that I was not alone in those thoughts, but I was the only one who said the words out loud. You hate me now. But I will see you on the other side of this journey. I am going through it now, this post-divorce grief journey that is filled with epiphany and insight, with loneliness that changes to solitude. I have learned so much about myself, who I am, what brings me up or pushes me down. I thought I was so strong and could do it all, because I did. Turns out I am so fragile, so unhappy, and so insecure. All things that were there before but I never ackowledged. I couldn't, that would make it real.
Goodbye to you and to the person I used to be. I have new experiences every day. Things that I never expected I would be doing. I am broken but at peace. I know you will be too.
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