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I miss her today more than most. Years later, and a simple song sent me reeling. She always loved music, and in a marvelously impressive long con instilled that in me. So that long after the last time I heard her sing, I would hear her voice and feel her influence in all things. But music is where I experience it the most. I appreciate it more now, I think. Beats and rhythms take my heart along for the ride; melodies and lyrics touch places in my soul only the ethereal can. Not to brag, but I was correct: I'm irrevocably changed since she left us.
"Grief is a process." As much has always been taught to everyone since their first experience with the complicated emotion. But no one elaborates. No one mentions that after the initial phases pass, and everyone else removed enough has moved on, that you enter the final stage: Remembrance. Occasionally, like the tide she so loved, this form of grief reappears in waves. In a song, or picture or a person's laugh. It hurts, not like the first time though. More a dull ache not so different than the soreness decades after injury to a limb. You nearly forget it happened, but when you go to step too hard on a weakened ankle and it gives, you are abruptly reminded.
Yes. At one time this was the worst pain imaginable. Now it aches, and occasionally gives way to a tide of emotion. Yet I wouldn't have it any other way. My grief is intermittent now. But that it is there at all means that at one time, and for the rest of my life, there was a person I loved so much that they were given a piece of me as a parting gift. I like to think it was an exchange, and she gave one to me as well.
I miss her today more than most, but I'm glad I was given the opportunity to miss her at all.
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Beautifully expressed. I’m so sorry for the loss. My heart goes out to all effected by her leaving you all.
ReplyI feel this so strongly, for I have lost her too. I'm so sorry about this. You're right though; we can appreciate what we had, even if we can no longer have it anymore... I hope things get better for you <3
ReplyBeautiful expression, may she rest in peace
Reply