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I've been thinkig a lot about my sex life lately and that makes me wondered why despite the fact that I enjoy of having sex never came to an orgasm.
First of all, recently I started experiencing with dating apps and that led me to have sex with 3 guys in less than 2 weeks. Every guy I dated I fully satisfied him insted of him as it turned out.
So, i came to the realization that none of them even tried to make me come to an orgasm. This topic has concerned me before. It's not like I don't want to come to an orgasm or multiple of them it's like I can't.
I heard that it is easier when you are musturbating. I am musturbating at least twice a week and still my orgasm is missing. Most of the times Im feeling so close to come to one ... but I never get it to it. As much as I wanted to happened its like my body can't take it. Despite the fact that my whole body vibrating and wants it madly to happen my hand is forced to stop it.
I dont know how and if has any affect in life when you never been fully sexually satisfied. Im feeling though that once I succeeded that, my whole world will change. It will be more relaxed and happy.
The worst part of it its that im ashamed about it. I know that im not the only one but it doesnt make it any better. I talked about it to my friends who they've been sexually satisfied but I didn't felt any different. I continue to keep it a secret from my sex partners. I keep imagining how it is this feeling though.
P.S Please if someone finds him let me know. Thanks.
Girl, 20 y.o
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Right out of the gate, I'm going to admit that I'm a man and, as such, will be coming at this from that perspective. Additionally, however, my wife and I are also swingers and I think, that the combination of the two will allow me to shed some light here.
With regard to men, I must admit that most will do little to nothing at all to pleasure their partners sexually. Sex, to most men, is only about them. I hate to admit that but it's true. There are some out there though, like me, who actually enjoy pleasuring their partner.
In swinging, one thing my wife and I have learned over the years is that there isn't a magical formula to pleasing anyone - not a man or a woman. The real secret behind receiving pleasure is that everyone likes something different and everyone likes or needs to orgasm in a certain way. Take for example one female partner we had that absolutely loved and enjoyed all aspects of sexual relations but can only orgasm if she lies flat on her back with her legs together and she receives external stimulation. Others could only orgasm from internal stimulation. Same goes for men, believe it or not, in that we all like something different.
In saying this, I'm explaining that you, yourself may have a mental block or a particular position/method for having an orgasm that you haven't discovered yet. And yes, I would guess it'll be much, much easier to discover that on your own.
I wouldn't recommend that you, on a whim, just decide to try to make yourself orgasm. That probably won't cut it. Pick a day and time that you're really feeling sexual. Maybe it's a day that you've dressed nice and have received many compliments or a day that you've been flirtatious with others. On a day like that, just relax and start exploring. Find out what feels good. Experiment with different pressures (hard, soft, and everything between) and different tools (hands, toys, etc.). Don't rush it. Just go with the flow and don't worry too much about the orgasm. Focus more on having a good time. Just keep finding the things that make you feel good and, in time, without you even thinking about it, it'll just happen. At some point, it'll be easy street because you'll have learned what makes you feel good and what gets the job done.
Beyond that, once you're with a partner, cross your fingers that he does, in fact, want to pleasure you as well. Don't expect that he has "the gift" most men claim to have. We all say we're the best and if he's new to you and you tell him you haven't had an orgasm with a partner, he'll swear he can make you do it. Nope. Not gonna work that way for sure.
Once you have a partner willing the please, don't be afraid to tell him what you like; be vocal about what feels good and what doesn't. Be open about the positions or tricks you've learned that make this fun for you and drive you to orgasm. If it's someone you've been with a few times, or you otherwise feel comfortable, explain that you haven't had an orgasm with a partner and, if he's good about it, he'll volunteer to explore with you. If something doesn't work, try something else. Take your time and have fun. I'm sure he'll enjoy it too!
We once swung with a girl and, after the fact, we stopped hearing from her. We reached out and she explained that she thought it was going to be different but that she didn't really get what she needed from it. At that, I told her that she had not opened up to tell us what she wanted or needed and, to that, she responded that she hadn't felt comfortable talking about it because she was embarrassed. We gave it another shot, at a later date, and she did open up to us. With this new information, we took things to a whole new level with her and she had a great time and, of course, an amazing orgasm. Good enough that she came around several times. At first, you see, she was disappointed but there was no way for us to meet her needs because she had not explained them to us. Don't be afraid to be open with your partner - it's probably the only way you'll get what you want/need from the sexual relationship to really enjoy yourself and/or orgasm. If he leaves and you think to yourself that the encounter wasn't fun, it may be some of your own fault if you didn't tell him what you wanted and needed.
If you don't reach the finish line, it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with either of you, it simply didn't happen is all and, if you had fun, you can always try again on another day with more exploration.
Again, as a man and a swinger, I think I'm coming at this from an informative angle and hope that this information helps you in some way!
Good luck!
Bucko
ReplyThank you so much for your help!!
ReplyYou're quite welcome.
ReplyIve heard alot of young woman have this issue. I think feeling safe and finding a man instead of these boys will help. As a male i find online dating is a good way to meet the wrong person and sex is something natural we get curious about. If i were you
, id focus on something else and let life happen naturally without online dating. My opinion. Many guys use online dating to get laid even when looking for love within the apps. This hurts the men seeking what you need because woman dont believe strangers after unsuccessful attempts.
Reply