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You have put me in the most confusing state of mind right now...Am I supposed to have fear for you in my heart or am I supposed to have my heart full of love for you?
Love vs fear, you have taught me to practice moderation in life. Moderation in spendings, moderations in earning, moderation in speech, moderation in power, moderation in thoughts, you have guided me...And in the holy book you have guided me with, you have taught me moderation in religious devotion. You ask us, you ask your servants to be moderate with the effort put in the world and in the afterlife, in the effort we take to praise and worship you, in the effort of piety. I will not question why as I know that dear God, whatever you guide us with is for our best and should not be questioned...But this very question I have to ask you hasn't been permitting me to sleep during the night you have sent us for peace, it hasn't been permitting me to consume out of what you have blessed me to consume with, it hasn't been permitting me to worship out of what you have asked me to worship you with, it has been circulating like spirals of thoughts in my head...it hasn't been permitting me to live the life you have sincerely blessed me with in peace. This question I have has come in a sincere result of what your creatures have told me. You have created your servants and asked them to worship you even though you have millions of angels worshipping you. You yourself have made humans even though you know well that we will shed blood of our loved ones, and commit great sins, yet you will forgive us and love us more than the angels you have made of light. Dear God, that is unconditional love you are giving us...But what contradicts this is what you have warned us with, that for every sin we will never be forgiven unless we ask for forgiveness. Else we will suffer the consequences greatly in *Barzakh, in *Jahannam, and in the *qabar...Or seek the great reward in Barzakh, in *Jannah, and in the qabar if we do all what is to live for...Your servants have been raising us with both fear and love for you in our hearts, but in this case fear overcomes the love...*Ya Allah, should I not seek moderation when it comes to what we feel for you? Our personal relations with you has become less of a
Master-Servant relations as you have asked us to keep with you in the holy book, and it has now become more of a human-human fear for you...You ask me to moderate, you ask me to keep both fear and love in my heart for you, my sincere question to you is how to moderate these feelings. The balance tips to a side, but my heart is unable to balance this at all...Dear God, merely you are the purpose of my life. Oh God, if I am unsure on how to balance the purpose of my life, I will be unsure on each and every step of my life, on how to continue this life you have gifted me with...You are my master, I am your slave. And yet you have both put so much love and fear between us, that is what you refer to us as...And what the reason behind this will be a mystery that I can only solve when I meet you...Oh Lord, I am forever thankful for your blessings on me...May we follow the path of guidance and become closer to you...Amen
Your servant, your worshipper
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This is a prayer I made today, and I long to find the answer of this confusingly asked question of mine. Barzakh is the land of the souls in Islam where you are both rewarded and punished after your soul leaves the body, there are two different barzakhs for it. On the day of judgement, your souls from Barzakh return to your body and your body goes to Jahannam (Hell) or to Jannah (Heaven) whereas you are both punished and rewarded for your deeds in the grave (Qabar). Ya means "Oh" and Allah is the first out of 99 Arabic names for God, with the first name meaning God...That was just meant for clarifications of my prayer. I hope I find peace and answer soon...
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