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so me
I am a 23 year old woman, living with bipolar, trying to know who I am.
I find my life hard on days like these day when im sad and bored and I have one day off but nothing to do.
this year I went back to college and got a place at uni studying person centred counselling, I also got a new job as a bank support worker which means I cant do as many or as little work as I feel I am able to, I managed to keep the house going, I learn taxidermy, I feel more InControl of who I am. but.....
also this year my relationship is crumbling which if it ends ill be homeless, I have realised ill never be 100% well which comes with not knowing who I really am as a whole which I can deal with its like having many different people in one person. cool right.....unless its the depressive suicidal version of me. I need one good friend who is always there but I have 20 friends who just like me when they are bored or when I'm the fun version of me. I have this noise in my ear commonly connected to a blockage in the blood to the brain which is great when no one is trying to find out if that's the case. I want to choose when I die. family is complicated most don't like me as I don't fit in the box. my brother died in march (drug overdose) not allowed to say that as it looks bad to his side of the family but its true so......along side my puppy nelly 1 year 28 days old. my best friend in the whole world (writing her name still makes me cry). which is another sore point I should not feel sad as its just a dog apparently,...I hate people I really do. I'm not really sure why I'm on here or why I'm writing I think I just want someone to listen. I want someone to want to know my story with out having to skip bits or play bits down. also I don't want to hurt anyone and if I'm anonymous then how can I hurt anyone. also NO need for concern but if I do kill my self there will be a record of my thoughts and feelings for people to see and everyone cares once your dead where as if I posted this for all to see the world would erupt with anger ahahahaha
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