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Hello, I am a 15 year old Arab girl. I have recently fallen into a deep cloud of sadness and anxiety. My parents have always given me the feeling of stress along with mentally and physically abusing me. When I’m around my other family members I tend to put on a smile and act as if I’m the happiest person in the universe. In fact, they probably define me as a bubbly person. Anyways my father has been undergoing lots of stress lately and just a few hours ago he struck me so hard my lip started bleeding. This happened because I wasn’t dressed properly in front of my brother. I don’t complain because he abuses my older brothers a lot worse. My depression started around my 8th grade because I knew after middle school my social life would be cut of completely due to the horrible program called “homeschooling” this is where it all began...the feeling of not being worthy enough to be loved, not loving my growing body because I’ve been taught to hide it, the tears every time I ask to go out for even a minute. Sometimes I wonder if this is what being an inmate feels like. I mean going out once a month is pretty excruciating. but it’s not all bad. Maybe I’m just being dramatic, because my parents do care and provide for me. I just wish it’d be done a little differently... I remember this one thing my father said and it can’t seem to escape my mind “ When will you ever make me happy”. I get good grades I take care of my little siblings and I even keep the house clean most of the time. It can be a pain in the neck when my siblings are constantly leaving a mess for me to clean up. Worst part is my father almost always arrives home after the mess had been done. He yells at me and I lock myself in the bathroom to cry. This immense felling of stress befalls me every single day. But it could ALWAYS be worse so I try my hardest not to let it get to me. Maybe if I approach him about this it would give me a sense of relief but I seem to have a loss of words in front of him. Sorry about ranting about my problems but writing this has made me feel a lot better and my tears have begun to dry up. I doubt anyone will actually read this but if you are I hope you’re doing a lot better than I am. :^)
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Hi darling,
I bet that's a LOT to go through. If it is any consolation, I understand how you feel. I am a Western Asian girl living with a very old, traditional and strict family. When I was your age (I'm 17 now) I felt like my world only included the expectations of the family. But I know (and I think you can agree for your own family) that they do love you and hope for the best. I understand that if things were brought up differently, maybe we both wouldn't need to put on a fake smile. I have social anxiety and depression, it can have a huge effect on your health and the way you view the world. Perhaps private counselling would be best? Counselling in school hours so your parents wouldn't freak out about you going out. In terms of your siblings, (maybe not the younger siblings but the older ones) have you tried talking to them? Not necessarily 'ranting' but maybe asking for consolation with them? They could help and if they don't provide explicit help, I know you would feel better knowing you have someone on your side (especially someone at home). When you get 'physically abused', please please please remember that there is a limit. If there is anytime where you think that you or your other siblings are not safe, I think you know who you should contact. I understand how Asian families state that discipline is ALWAYS vital in the family home, but there are other ways to go about it. And about loving your growing body..... Darling, you are who you are, don't forget to accept and love that. Yes we may have to wear things to cover up but that doesn't mean we are unable to love ourselves. Remembering who you are in the face of others is the only things I can advise you to do. You are BEAUTIFUL. You are BRAVE. You CAN DO THIS. And you are LOVED. Try working around the situations at home before considering going out - if the foundation is solid, then I'm sure things would work out by themselves. In my opinion (please do not be offended) I think your parents (especially your father) have been brought up differently to the modern standards and are enforcing upon you and your siblings the same rules that they were made to follow growing up. I also think your father has many things on his mind (I don't know if it is work or stress) but he seems to be taking it out on you. Don't take his words to heart. And as cliche and annoying that may sound (believe me, I hate that phrase) it does actually work. I have learnt to stop letting wrong or stupid remarks ruin myself - for example, I was told by my mother that I was like my abusive father (who is no longer in the family picture) and that I should just get married to save her from disappointment. Let negative comments such as 'When will you ever make me happy' become your fuel and ambition to get your dreams - not good grades, not good behaviour- but what you want to achieve in your life. Let those comments change your anxiety and depression into adrenaline to get things done. I know things may seem really bad, but you are right.... things could be worse and things CAN get better. And whether or not you should talk to your father, I think you should focus on yourself first - get the help that you need to love yourself, to take care of yourself and to protect yourself - maybe then you would be more confident and stronger to talk to your father. I'm really sorry for ranting myself. I hope this has given you a plan of what to do. I'm not doing very well myself but I know we can both get through it. I hope things work out for you, I really do! :)
ReplyThank you so much this means a lot to me. I will take your suggestions into consideration. Even though I haven’t met you I can already say I love you. I hope you work around your problems as well. And from today and onwards I will create a plan to loosen the restrictions my parents put in my life. >3 your ideas are great!
ReplyI am so glad that the comment has helped! And I love you too. I hope things become easier and happier for you!
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