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I'm autistic. I was diagnosed around 16. Late but I think it's accurate. I've always had problems with other people. With the world. I get so, worked upon the simplest things. I hate it. I just want to hit something. Couldn't interact with other kids. I just put myself in my own world in my head. I have these urges to do these strange ticks. I want to talk about it to people who don't know. I feel they are ignorant about torture. I'm constantly perturbed by little ridiculous things. I remember when I got so worked up when my brother told us his wife was pregnant, or when my sister came out as gay. Maybe its because I don't like change? I feel lonely and trapped. Like I'm constantly being waterboarded in my mind, with no way out. I feel better with school. I just started school. College actually. I like math and history. Something to get my mind off of it. Are there others like me? I've never dated anyone, never really had friends, never really went to parties. Heh, I left prom early cause I had nothing to do. The other kids talking, dancing, holding hands, playing games, having fun. I couldn't deal with it. My family doesn't understand. Sometimes I wish I could inflict pain on me without people finding out. Or if I have an excuse. Like if I had to go to a mental hospital, where they could do electroconvulsive therapy. But without anesthesia. I want to get out. I want to send a message. Like violence. Suicide? I don't know how else to get better. Maybe a change in medicine? Any advice?
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I'm no expert, but I have a friend who was diagnosed and yes he's always had difficulties but since then with time, patience, practice and the love of the people around him he got better at interacting, understanding people and all that. I don't know if he has had some kind of treatment, therapy or what could help. Try and do some research maybe? As I said I'm no expert but from what I've seen from him taking the right measures can improve your condition greatly :) lots of love
ReplyDefinitely do not get electric shock therapy, that will make you lose memories. I also suck at making friends, dates, communication, etc and also Autistic. You should try doing art to express your feelings if you can't do verbal but I don't want you to get bullied for talking about your preferred topic to other kids.
I used art to express my suicidal and depressed feelings in the past and used to doodle a lot until this bitchy special ed. teacher assistant saw my drawings and reported it to the school and made me feel embarrassed in front of school counselor and parents.
Don't feel ashamed. I think of weird stuff sometimes like I used to be obsessed with mental hospitals and watch videos about it and the restraint devices and my imaginary friend on internet, etc.
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