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An Open Letter to Everyone who is "Done"
2 years ago · · infertility,
“Oh my God, I am never having another kid!”
“You would have to commit me if my wife said she was pregnant.”
“No girl, he’s fixed. We are DONE.”
Pretty common things to hear, right? I mean, I hear them nearly every day. Meanwhile, I have to offer a forced smirk and chuckle at everyone’s lighthearted comments about something that weighs heavy on my heart most days. I’ve dreamed about being a mom as far back as I can remember. And here I am, early 30’s, still dreaming of the day I meet my husband and start a family. Not going to lie, it’s tough some days to listen to people complain about something that I want more than anything. Now don’t get my wrong, I am sure I have done my fair share of complaining about things I have that others take for granted. I think we are all guilty of that! I do try to be conscious of things I say, because you just never know what people are going through. And yeah it’s 2019, and we live in a time when literally everyone is offended by something. I get it. This isn’t about being offended. It’s about taking the time to think before we speak. What if your co-worker overhearing these above comments just experienced her second miscarriage this year? What if he or she is struggling with infertility, and another month passed with no exciting news to share? Or they are going through the demanding process of adoption? What if that girl sitting near you in the coffee shop just had an abortion and is living in regret of that decision? Or like me, what if he or she are longing for the day they become a parent? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think anyone makes light of it maliciously or with intent, but seriously, you just never know who your audience is.
I’m not writing this to condemn anyone who has made the choice to be “done”. Whether it be you don’t desire children at all, or you’ve had one, two, or ten and you feel like your job is done. Or whether it’s that you barely survived your pregnancy and you can’t risk your health. One thing I’ve learned throughout the years is not to judge. Because once again, you NEVER know what someone’s situation is.
“About 10 percent of women (6.1 million) in the United States ages 15-44 have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).” That’s a lot of people! Not to mention, it’s not just something that affects women, but men too.
I feel like nowadays, these comments fly around like no big deal. And it’s totally okay and acceptable. In a time where we must tread so carefully on political and religious views, because you don’t know someone else’s beliefs, why is it okay? Many times, when I bring up wanting children to someone who is a parent, I immediately get the “Oh you only say that now ‘cause you don’t have any” or something along those lines. Talk about a stab in my little heart!
Don’t get me wrong; I’ve had plenty of people tell me how great kids are and the best gift you can receive. And no I’m not a parent, and I understand it is HARD!! And sometimes you just need to vent!
Point I’m trying to make here guys, you never know when what you have is what someone else is dreaming of. This is true for so many things in life. Don’t take what you have for granted.
I’ll continue to be thankful everyday for the amazing things I’ve been blessed with and wait patiently (well, working on that patience thing EVERYDAY) for the even more amazing things to come!
Peace, Love, and God Bless Y’all!