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Just wanted to share things
4 months ago · · sharing
It was a one day old news, but someone (not related at all) just did a suicide. Some people probably knew who I was talking about and some probably don't. I just want to share some things after I read the news.
I don't remember how much I have suicidal thoughts in the past but probably a lot. It was quite hard to 'battle' these thoughts. I have had close calls with it and honestly think that making myself disappear will change things for the better for a lot of people. The only thing that kept me from actually doing it was the thoughts of my family. Even sometimes I disregard them, but as soon as I did that, fear came in.
It hurts. Cutting your wrist hurts, hanging from a piece of rope hurts, drowning hurts, stabbing the heart hurts. I know it will be temporary compared to the things I need to face everyday, I can't help but fear this 'hurt'.
"I don't want to feel pain, but I can't stand it" that was the thing that has been on my mind for quite some time. That's where I steeled myself and share what I feel with my family, more specifically my mom. Since then, the thoughts have gone away.
Fortunately, the source of my 'depression' have gone away for now. If I face that again, most probably I will relapse.
Sharing things like this anonymously is a good thing to blow steam for once. I don't really write this to help people but if it did, then I hope you have your way out from your situation.