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2 months ago · · porn,
There is a demon in me. A fight that I fight then concede and fight again. It shames my inner being and makes me filthy. Not an actual demon, but a sin so deeply rooted it has become a house built of lies and pain. Wanting more rooms, more space in me. Never satisfied. Never truly torn down and built over. Pornography is an addiction. A chemical dependence in the brain. A bandaid for a gaping wound. Pleasure in a mundane time. Lies enticing but empty. 1 week, 3 weeks, 1 month, 6 months. I have thought it beaten but it returns. I had thought my life past this battle, but the war not finished. How do I tell the people I love? How do I change? Courage from the truth of the love poured out by God. For if we have this love, then we have this grace. And if we have this grace, why do we fear bringing sin to light? For light shines in the darkness of life and the darkness can not overcome it. I write this as a confession. I write this as a statement. I write this as a reminder, that if I write it enough I will write it on my heart. I write this as a cry into the arms of God "Create in me a clean heart O God, and renew a right spirit in me. Cast me not away from your presence and take not your Holy Spirit from me."