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9 months ago · · Grief,
its been 7 months since my 12 year old little brother died by suicide. it still feels like it was yesterday i was in the hospital waiting for a miracle that never came but somehow the funeral feels like it was years ago. i havent been the same mentally. im alive im existing but im not here, i don't feel anything anymore unless its anger or sadness. i'm a medical student and just being in class has become a trigger. a single word, an image, or a sound triggers me and im back at the hospital reliving the worst 3 days of my life. but what can i do? i repress and hold back my tears so i don't draw attention to myself. i went to therapy once but i didn't even get a second to talk about my grief and my therapist quit the same day i was scheduled for my next session so i just never went back. am i just going to be like this for the rest of my life? they tell me it takes time but its been 7 months i thought i would atleast be able to be in school a full day without breaking down but i havent been able to do that yet. I think about it every day, i cry every day, i hurt every day and i don't know what to do to make it stop. I'm tired of pretending that im fine and that im moving on with my life because im not. im not fine im not moving on with my life but its easier to say that i am than to tell the same story over and over again.