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I think I've been depressed my whole life.
4 years ago · 3
406
I'm pretty sure I've been depressed my entire life (or, at least, from early childhood to now), and I have no idea what to do with this information, so I found this spot to just dump it on.
I can trace it all the way back alllll the way through all the grades in elementary school. I remember a lot of times saying or writing or drawing things in a desperate bid for attention and I wasn't quite sure why until now. Any time I was offered a chance to play with other children I purposefully chose to play by myself. Every. Time. Even in kindergarten. I remember being able to choose "stations" in the morning at one of the kindergartens I attended (moved a lot) and I always chose one that didn't have other kids playing in it. I would always just swing at recess. Basically every recess every day every grade from K-5 I would just sit there and swing. There were a smattering of exceptions when I somehow miraculously made a friend despite my cloak of isolation, but, ultimately, I swang on the swings by myself, even at daycare. I sat and ate lunch quietly, never interjecting in conversation, really. And I don't know why, and it's bothering me so much. Why was such a little kid so determined to be left alone??? Like, I cried for years afterward about having no friends, like I had no choice but to be by myself, but I'm just now realizing that all those years, all those chances to make friends, I just didn't.
Whyyyyy??????
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maybe you were a touch autistic ? They have social deficient disorders
ReplyI’d of said self isolation steaming from either self esteem or social anxiety disorder. If you can make friends now why worry about it. If it’s still an issue you may need therapy to get over it. Unless of course you still want that isolation , may I ask, did you have brothers and sisters that you would still see so you would still have some social interaction?
ReplyI did/do have a twin sibling, yes. But interacting with them every day of your life is not quite the same as interacting with people that were raised differently from you with different views.
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