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First of all: I am not transgender and changing my gender now would not change a bit.
However, if I was born male my life would be significantly better and here is why:
In fifth grade I got bullied by a guy after I rejected him and everyone followed his behaviour.
I started to feel worthless, thought I was never meant to be, became insecure in every possible way and wanted to kill myself (I don't want to die anymore and I really am happy that I didn't do it). I'm literally afraid of talking to people especially to people who only know me from school.
No one really makes fun of me anymore but I still feel worthless and insecure. I do hate myself and think that a lot of people only act nice.
I think I'm boring, dumb, annoying and in everyone's way but... a lot of people tell me I'm not like that at all.
I want to believe them but I can't.
I'm in thirteenth grade now and I'm still not over this and I'm afraid I might never get over it.
I want to be able to talk to people freely, without being afraid people would be like that again. I'm afraid of rejecting people in any way because of that boy and I know this will become a big problem in future.
I'm traumatised because I am a girl.
I can't even talk about this with my best friend who was with me almost all the time. I'm afraid no one will understand me. All I get is "you're not worthless/annoying/etc " anyways. I am aware that people wouldn't really know how to react but those words aren't like a magic spell that make my worries fade. I also don't want to sound like an attention seeker and I don't want to become a burden to anyone.
Ps. The guy who got everyone to bully me is not the only reason but the easiest one to explain rn.
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I got slapped on the forehead today and it's the only physical human contact I've had in weeks. What do you guys think about that? Is it progress or what?...
Keep a full heart. Who cares what people think, honestly? Where do you picture them going in ten years? People like that are insecure, so don't feed into it; instead, laugh. Laugh at the situation. Being a guy wouldn't change anything... honestly, it wouldn't. I think you need to think for yourself. And who the FUCK said you're not worthy? Like, come on. That, that my friend is not okay. You, you are worthy. Everyone is worthy. Don't listen to them. Bullies are called bullies for a reason, aren't they? Do what makes YOU happy. You. You only get one lifetime; don't let one person ruin it for you. Don't give them that benefit. Things will get better, you're just going to have to let them first. Good luck:)
ReplyI feel the same way, you're not alone in this. It's easy for people to say that the guy is only mean to you because he wants you, but it not true. Insecure people like to hurt people to make themselves feel better, but it doesn't change how the way their actions make you feel. Girls have so much pressure to be perfect in every way, but it's not possible. No one is perfect. It can be hard to accept yourself, feels like it's near impossible really. I know I struggle with it too, always feeling like I'm doing something wrong or like I'm the girl in middle school everyone used to pick on. Even when all my friends tell me otherwise, it's hard to believe what other people tell you. But I want to say, even though I'm a complete stranger, that I think you are great, and over time I hope you realize that too. Because the perception of yourself is the only one that truly matters. And if you ever want to talk just let me know, trust me I understand exactly what you're going through.
ReplyI think he started this because he was hurt and got mad or something... I don't think he would have done this for four years if it was only for him wanting me. I even think he stopped liking me only a short while after her started bullying me as it gave him satisfaction.
I agree it's hard to believe those words especially after people told you otherwise throughout your whole life. I'm trying to be on the bright side with myself but whenever I think something I have done was good something else in my mind tells me I shouldn't overreact, it wasn't that big of a thing, I annoyed people with it, it was useless, etc. I know it's most likely wrong what I'm thinking but I can't help it.
Anyway, thank you for reading it is really good to know people like you exist:)
ReplyWell I'm sorry you had such a poor experience that scarred you for life, however I'm not sure if it's just because you're a girl, a guy could have experienced something similar I'm not trying to demean what happened to you I just believe the reason isn't because of your gender. I think it happened because the kids were very immature and well they were bad people, they got an excuse and they used you rejecting him as a reason for bullying its just in his nature. And well your friends don't know what you're going through and they don't know what they can do to help so they probably try to help but don't succeed. You should start by appreciating yourself a bit more now I know that's hard but there must be a few things even if it's very few, there must be some things you like about yourself, appreciate those, try to develop them further and try to love yourself more little by little, try to build your confidence on those few things you like about yourself and only when you have a little confidence in yourself will you be able to love yourself. Of course along the way you could also find someone who loves you a lot and helps you learn to love yourself. There's still time and time heals all sounds as long as you don't give up and keep trying. Good luck hope it gets better for you.
ReplyTime heals all wounds*
ReplyYeah I know this could also happen to a guy but as I said: that boy is not the only reason. Ik boys can also go through a lot and I will never say that they don't live under any kind of pressure...
I tried talking to my friends but they all just repeated each other. I know/think (<-depends on the friend) they are trying but it always ends up being awkward so I just stopped trying to talk about it... I'm sorry if that wasn't clear before English isn't my mother tongue.
Anyways I appreciate your comment a lot thank you. I'll try to find something that I love about myself.
ReplyYea I understand, opening up about it has gotta be hard as well, who knows maybe in the future you'll be able to talk about it more freely and your friends might be able to understand better. Best wishes and good luck I'll be hoping things get better for you
Replyhere my family is not allowing me on a trip because I am a girl and allow me brother because he is not a girl. girl fight back
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