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I think my marriage was a mistake. I should never have said yes without living with him first. I made that mistake out of fear of living with and depending on somebody without any serious commitment. My mistake, a big one.
Now, I'm beginning to think that not wanting or believing in divorce is a mistake too. With each day I become less sure in the man I married, and feel more similar to the shell of myself that existed when I was with my ex. He was a huge mistake. What if I am repeating history? You're supposed to learn from your mistakes. Did I? Will I?
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I am scared and even more scared of being involved in a relationship. I cannot give you advice from someone with experience, I hope you'll get one, but rather I will leave you a message from someone not so mature but not so childy. One of the things I have learnt from living, to not force things you know there's something wrong. I admit I still, sometimes do the same mistake, I still force or try things to fix in the best solution I could make, but sometimes, even if it is the best solution, but if it feels wrong for yourself, it is wrong and it wouldn't work, only it will last longer. In the case for you, maybe the best solition was to try and try to fix things. But maybe if, deep in yourself, you don't want already, maybe you will not be able to force things and bring it back to what it was that you imagined already. Mistake cannot be fixed by another mistake. For me, it gets me so sad people would give up on each other, and divorce after. But as I grew older, I realized, people make mistakes, and we have to accept what already happened. Thus, if we happened make mistake entering into marriage, I can imagine how so much hard it is, how painful it's gonna be, how complicated things would be, but, at the of the day, it is yourself that you should be asking if you are okay. Because I believe if you yourself is not okay, the things you do and the things will happen will follow. But if I could ask you a favor dear stranger, I would ask you for two things. One, think carefully. If you are too sad or angry, don't decide yet. Give it a thorough thought. I want you to be sure. I don't want you to regret things like, what if you tried to fix things, what if you held on, what if it can be fixed. Think carefully if it can be fixed and what can be done and cannot be done. Second, be strong enough to act on what you decided you must do. After thinking of it carefully, bravely act on it. I hope everything is gonna be okay.
-a 21 yr old stranger
ReplyHey, so adjusting to the living situation in a serious relationship is just about wave at sea! It's a big one, but you'll get through it.
What is it that makes you question him so much to the point of a divorce?
ReplyMy marriage was a mistake and I didn't believe in divorce. Five years later, I'm so thankful I got divorced anyway.
Reply