What are you looking for?
7 months ago · · Sad and lonely, · Explicit
Either today or this upcoming week I plan to take my life. I just don’t know anymore. I don’t belong anywhere . I’m constantly searching for everyone’s approval and for everyone to like me. I just wanted to be loved by you. I would do anything in this world for you. I lost myself and some of my friends for you. You make it clear as day that I don’t deserve you that I’m just a something in your way. And I believe it. I’m a burden to everyone I meet. I can’t make anyone happy no matter how hard I try. I’m so in love with you yet I hate myself more and more everyday. I wish you cared for me the same way. I wish I did everything right for you and made you happy. I wish I made my parents proud. I was meant to be a disgusting disappointment. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror without hating myself. I wish I was pretty enough for you. I know you don’t look at me the same and I wouldn’t blame you. I’m so in love with you and I wish I wasn’t. It eats me alive how obsessed I am with you. You’re my best friend and my whole world. I wish someone would love me as much as I love you. You never want to hear why I’m hurt or sad It’s just I’m always bitching. I’m so brainwashed by you that I legit think everything is my fault when you’re actually the one that needs help. Nothing I do or say makes anyone happy. I just want a hug. A long tight hug, just one more. I know I have my problems but I’m not the only one. I just can’t keep going on anymore. It hurts me to even be alive. I wake up every morning stressed on how I’m going to pay my bills or wondering when the day comes where you leave me. I’m in constant fear, my anxiety is through the roof and I’m depressed. I could live in a dark room for ever. I don’t even want to eat anymore everything keeps adding up showing me that I don’t belong and that’s okay because even if it’s not this week, there will a time where I end it. I have no clue how I keep going on. I love you more than anything in this entire world and just wanted to make you happy and proud but I csnt. I just want you to love me and hold me and not hate me. I know you hate me, just the way you talk and treat me, I’m just a problem for you, you feel sorry for me and I know you do. I sound so crazy but it all circles around to I just love you and wanted you to love me and even after all this I want to be with you..... I’m crazy for that. A 20 year old woman should not feel this type of pain right???