I Don't Know...

I don't think I can be the person everyone knows me as anymore. Barely anyone knows my troubles on the inside. I perpetually feel broken, lost, worthless, loveless, forsaken, damned, tortured, confused, and I feel like with every breathe I am losing myself.

I haven't had anxiety attacks in a while yet I've had 2 today.

I finally met this one person in the whole world who understands everything about me and I can't be with them.

I've lost a toxic friend, but it was also sad because it felt more like a betrayal.

I've always had his back and he has had my trust. yet when I needed him most he stabbed me in the back, for selfish reasons.

I don't know for sure where I am going to go for college, and the voices in my head keep putting me down by repeating "you will never amount to anything".

Haunted by my past, like ghosts that won't leave you alone.

I don't know where I want to go for college.

This might sound like teenage problems to you guys, but you don't have the right to call it that unless you've seen people die in front of you at a young age and all you could do was be immobilized by shock and fear to do anything.

When you have your parents verbally disown you,

when you get betrayed time and time again by the people you care about the most,

when you loved someone and that someone kills them self,

and you can't not have those memories flood back to your mind on replay because something triggered it.

so yeah I might have encountered all those things but you may never say that any of that didn't matter.

It'll be with me until the day I die.